10 Steps to Help Your Teenage Son Cope with Divorce and Parental Resentment
Divorce can deeply affect children, and teenage boys are especially vulnerable due to hormonal changes and rapid development. This period is already challenging both emotionally and physically. When unexpected news of a family breakup is brought to him by his parents, a teenage boy’s stress can intensify. A common response is to blame one parent while feeling inner rejection that can develop into resentment—sometimes hidden, sometimes expressed openly as anger.10 Steps to Address Issues with a Son Who Resents a Parent During a Divorce:
- Restoring Trust. Once trust is lost, it can be extremely difficult to rebuild. It’s best to prepare your child for the possibility of divorce in advance, so he has some awareness of what might happen within the family. When a teenager distances himself and displays resentment, begin by working to restore his trust. This means taking responsibility for your actions and being reliable.
Example: Before divorcing, the parents pretended everything was fine, even as their 14-year-old son struggled at school. On the same day he received a poor test grade, they told him about their divorce. Overwhelmed, he ran out yelling that he hated both parents, as they asked him to choose who to live with. (In this case, the parents’ own needs and poor timing intensified the distress.)
Trust was lost when parents avoided acknowledging emotional issues and didn’t consider the son’s feelings before breaking the news. To regain this trust, give your son space for a few hours to process what’s happened.
After this, approach your son individually and sincerely ask for forgiveness:
• for not asking about his school life;
• for pretending everything was okay;
• for disappointing him.
The more genuine your apology, the sooner you can dispel your son’s anger and start to rebuild your relationship.
Important! Don’t pretend the family is okay once you’ve decided to divorce, but avoid arguing or insulting each other in front of the children. - Communication and Attention. If you’ve already made mistakes during the divorce process and neglected your son’s emotions, making an effort to pay attention to him—no matter how difficult—is essential. Even if your son is angry or rejects you, keep reaching out. Try inviting him for a walk, a coffee, or another shared activity.
He may be disobedient, hostile, or withdrawn, but remember: this behavior is a defense mechanism against the pain you’ve caused. If you consistently show him attention and care, eventually he’ll realize you’re not abandoning him, and forgiveness will follow.
Important! During this difficult period, maintain a calm and understanding attitude. If necessary, consider using anti-anxiety strategies to stay patient when faced with your child’s negativity.
Advice:
Coping when your child resents you can be tough. Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test to discover ways to restore your relationship. Results will help you see new approaches and offer ideas to reconnect with your son and eliminate built-up resentment. - Honest Conversation. Once your son begins to adjust and feels he’s not forgotten, try discussing the reasons behind the divorce. Teenagers are capable of understanding your feelings if you’re sincere and don’t blame one another. Speak gently.
For example, the mother might say: “Max, your dad is focused on his career, spending a lot of time at work. I started to feel neglected, which affected our relationship.” The father might say: “Stanley, your mother is a great person, but over time we discovered we have different interests and we grew apart.” Why have this honest talk?
Because it helps your child avoid blaming either parent or himself, understanding instead that divorce is the decision of two adults. - Perseverance. If your son refuses to communicate, be persistent—with respect for his boundaries. Call him, ask about school and friendships, and offer support. Attend his activities, such as sports, and be there as a supporter and parent—even if he resists your involvement.
Important! Don’t pry or demand personal details, but keep asking questions to show you care about his life and well-being. - Humor. Humor can help reduce tension and animosity. Keep your spirits up—even if your son is resentful. Share funny moments or jokes without making him the butt of them. If he doesn’t respond, try watching a comedy together, letting laughter lighten the mood and pave the way for better feelings between you.
- Gifts. Thoughtful gifts can mend a strained relationship. Choose small presents you know your son will like, such as favorite snacks, games, or event tickets. Choose gifts that reflect his interests, not just random items.
Important! Don’t let gift-giving become a competition between parents; discuss it together if possible. - Camping Trips. Especially helpful for fathers wanting to reconnect, camping allows for bonding away from daily stress. Being in nature fosters communication and understanding. Group camping trips can also be effective.
- Sharing Interests and Hobbies. Shared interests are vital for maintaining a strong father-son relationship after divorce, offering opportunities for dialogue and teamwork. Try activities like robotics, dinosaur exhibitions, or astronomy. The key is to choose something that appeals to his sense of adventure and learning.
- Physical Activities Together. Team sports or shared workouts help fathers demonstrate positive qualities like courage, strength, and perseverance. Even if resentment remains, your son can grow to respect your commitment and athleticism over time.
- Demonstrating Love. For mothers, this means showing care and concern without being overbearing—especially when the son longs for his father’s presence. Cook his favorite meals, keep the home comfortable, and suggest movies you know he’ll enjoy. Tell him he’s strong, smart, and capable, and show affection when he welcomes it. At the same time, express your own vulnerability and let him know you value his support as he grows older.