5 Ways to Discipline Your Child: Discipline Methods and Techniques
Child discipline is an essential skill that every loving parent should develop. Unfortunately, many people associate discipline with punishment or monotonous routines. In reality, effective discipline means guiding your child through many lessons by repeating important ideas—but it shouldn't feel like a chore. Instead, see discipline as an engaging process where you teach your child the basics of safety, social living, and responsibility for their actions and choices. As parents, you need to decide whether you want to raise a blindly obedient follower or nurture a confident, independent leader. It may be every mother's dream to have a little one who sits quietly in a suit, instantly follows every request, and behaves like an angel. However, remember: overly obedient children grow into overly compliant adults.So, think carefully about whether you want unquestioning obedience or if you'd rather use creativity to let your child develop their personality—while gently but firmly correcting their behavior. This way, you'll help raise a healthy individual, capable of making their own decisions. The following five principles can make discipline more effective and enjoyable for both you and your child.
- Set Priorities
Every child will naturally show stubbornness and perseverance. You must identify which behaviors are strictly prohibited, especially those related to safety. For example, it's forbidden to go near a burning fireplace, touch power outlets, or turn on the gas stove. In such situations, use a firm "NO" or "DON'T." Also, don't allow hitting or swinging at parents.
In such cases, gently hold your child's arms and say firmly, "Stop. Don't hit mom. That hurts mommy/me." Then, guide your child's hand to gently stroke you, saying, "Stroke mommy. Yes, like this. Good boy (girl)." Follow up with praise. In less serious cases, try to avoid using "no" and "not" too often. Repeated use makes these words lose their impact. In emergencies, your child might simply ignore them. Instead, replace them with alternatives like "that's for older children," "it's daddy's," or "let's do something else." Redirect their attention and use your tone of voice to show that certain actions are not acceptable, without yelling.
Important!
Teaching discipline is hard if parents themselves do not practice it. Children learn best by example, so ensure that all family members demonstrate the behaviors you want your child to adopt. If you want your child to exercise every morning, you should too. If you don't want your child interested in alcohol, avoid keeping it at home.
If you want your child to be polite and friendly, model that behavior yourself. While outside influences exist, you are their first and best role model. Surround your child with positive, interesting people—friends, teachers, or wise grandparents—so they'll aspire to seek out similar company as they grow. - Be United and Consistent in Your Decisions
If you forbid something, but later give up after your child's tears and pleas, you've lost credibility. Now, your child knows that persistence will get them what they want, and they'll escalate their behavior next time. So, "no" must always mean "no." Before saying it, consider whether you can stick to your decision. If you're unsure, try saying, "not now" or "let’s do it later."
It's crucial for all family members to be consistent. If mom says "no," dad and grandparents should support her in front of the child, even if they disagree. This builds parental authority and respect for elders.
Important!
Avoid letting family democracy undermine safety. Granting total freedom can endanger your child's safety and well-being. Remember, parents must lead, because children don't yet know where, why, or how to proceed.
Be your child's friend and guide, helping them choose their path in life—not choosing for them. Expand their interests and provide new experiences, whether in dance, music, or fun educational activities.
Advice:
Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test to discover how to balance freedom and boundaries in parenting. Get personalized recommendations to help make confident, sensible decisions for your child’s personality. - Avoid Negative Statements
Use positive language when talking to your child or anyone else. This helps build a child's optimism and positive attitude towards achievement.
Example:
Instead of saying, "Don’t play outside in your school uniform" or "Don’t be rude to elders," say, "You have a great tracksuit. Please wear it when you go out to play," or, "Please be polite to elders." - The ‘Jewish Grandmother’ Principle
A Jewish grandmother is known for always praising her child—believing they're the best, brightest, and most beautiful, even if that’s not objectively true. Hearing this love daily, children begin to believe in themselves and strive to live up to that image. So, avoid criticism, shaming, and pressure. Focus on criticizing actions, not the person. Address your child as a friend—with warmth, respect, and, if needed, gentle disbelief at poor choices.
Example:
Don't say, "You’re not a good boy. A good boy wouldn’t do that." Instead, say, "I can’t understand how such a good, responsible boy could do that!" - The Law of Consequences
It’s vital to teach your child that they are responsible for their actions and choices, and that every decision has both positive and negative consequences. The most effective lessons come when children experience those consequences directly.
Example:
If your child refuses to eat, don't keep trying or find someone else to feed them. Instead, clear away the food and wait until they're hungry. Let them experience the result of their choice.
Remember, any punishment or consequence should follow immediately after the misbehavior. For example, if your child misbehaves in the morning, it’s not effective to prohibit cartoons in the evening, as both of you may forget the reason by then and you may be tempted to drop it.
If your child continues misbehaving despite warnings, try the “Time-Out” method: escort them to a quiet space without toys or distractions. The usual guideline is one minute per year of age.
Example:
If your child isn’t listening, calmly say: "John, please stop. If you don’t calm down now, you’ll stand in the corner," or, "Get up from the table and go to your room. Think about your behavior."
Recommendations: - When you set tasks for your child, avoid threats and bribes. These methods rarely work and only offer short-term results.
- Motivate your child. Find ways to make tasks interesting or at least engaging. Use inspiring examples, like stories about role models.
- Show your child that you believe in them.
- Clearly explain each task and discuss possible challenges before starting. Warn them of obstacles they might encounter.
- Encourage your child. This could be praise, a favorite treat, or something enjoyable. Remember, this is not payment—just encouragement.
- Teach your child various methods and give them resources to help complete a task.
- Monitor their progress. If they struggle to finish, don’t scold; instead, suggest another approach. For example, ask, "What would your favorite hero, like Batman, do?"
- Always offer choices; don’t impose decisions.
Self-confidence, independence, curiosity, and creativity help people succeed. Children are naturally born with these qualities, but negative parenting and the drive for complete obedience can extinguish their inner spark over time.