7 Pieces of Advice: 7 Parenting Skills to Be a Great Parent for a Teenager
Relationships with parents are among the most delicate in life, significantly shaping who we become. The nature of these relationships changes dramatically over time.Advice:
Sooner or later, children become teenagers, and parents face new challenges. The once-smiling, sweet child can become irritable and sensitive. We invite you to try our unique Parenting Mentor Test, which will help you understand your own feelings and moods, better understand your child, and more easily navigate the teen years while building a trusting friendship with your teenager.
Some young people would rather parents not interfere in their lives, while others feel more comfortable with parents somewhat involved, though still keeping some distance. Still, many of us believe that having a good relationship with our parents is truly worthwhile. Read these 7 skills to help you become an excellent parent for a teenager.
- Create a "zone of importance and privacy" together with your teenager. It is important to give your teenager the chance to try things you may not necessarily approve of. The key is to explain your concerns while also being open. Teenagers naturally push boundaries and test limits. During this time, parents must find balance between restrictions and allowances.
Remember how, with a young child, you simply set clear boundaries? With teenagers, a third option appears: the "zone of importance and privacy." Here, there will be things you might not like but are willing to permit—for instance, wearing bold clothes with friends but not at school, or considering a tattoo. This “zone of privacy” is unique to every family.
Why allow this? Adolescence is all about experimentation. If you forbid everything, your teen will likely do it anyway, but in secret, and you may have to deal with negative consequences—without their trust. - Respect your teenager’s space. The need for solitude or even isolation is normal in adolescence. Teenagers start seeing themselves as individuals, distinct from the rest of the world, and may need their own space—ideally their own room—to be alone. Many parents intuitively respect this need within their circumstances, but often overlook the small ways to support personal space.
For example, they might not knock before entering their teenager’s room, dictate which posters can be put up, or clean the room themselves. But your child has grown and become an individual; therefore, if you provide them with their own space, the boundaries should be respected.
Your teen shouldn’t be allowed to do dangerous things, like lighting a fire indoors, but they should control the tidiness or decor of their room. Remember to knock before entering—just as you’d expect them to knock on your door when needing a private chat. - Respect your teenager’s feelings. Respecting your teen’s space also means respecting their emotions. Don’t dismiss the importance of their experiences—doing so can permanently undermine trust. Adolescents feel outside judgments acutely. Imagine your fifth-grade son coming home and saying he’s in love.
Will you take it seriously? Can you avoid laughing? You must. Feelings at this age are as real and intense as in adulthood. If you want honest conversations when your child is older, start being open now—long before the teenage years. - Don't withhold affection or tenderness. A teenager needs affection almost as much as a younger child, even if they don’t ask for it. Small children seek out hugs, but teens might not—even though they still need them. Understand when your teen really needs a hug. Receiving affection should be a right, not a duty.
Don't be offended if, when you offer affection, your teen grumbles, “I’m not a little kid”—that's just how they feel in the moment. Understand their needs and approach accordingly. If your teen initiates physical affection when you’re busy, try not to dismiss them. That trust is precious. - Avoid long lectures and criticism; discuss and explain instead. Try not to criticize your teenager. Instead, explain your perspective, discuss the problem, and look for solutions together. Teenagers are extra sensitive to criticism during this time, so avoid scolding them.
Adults don't scold each other; they discuss and resolve conflicts. If you want to know about your teen’s problems, stop criticizing. By respecting their feelings, wishes, and boundaries and by listening, you’ll gain their trust and help them through the toughest moments of adolescence. - Talk! Every parent is busy, but it’s essential to make time to communicate with your child. Create a comfortable environment for conversation—for example, relax on the sofa in the evening, share tea, and discuss the day. Include your own experiences. Let your teen feel like an equal, able to offer advice. Often, their fresh perspective can help you with difficult problems. Take interest in your teenager’s hobbies.
They should feel free to express their thoughts and feelings, even if they differ from yours. With respect, you help your teen learn self-respect and mutual respect. Discuss daily news, interesting articles, or other topics of mutual growth.
Some parents lament their child’s limited worldview but do little to broaden it. Use these conversations to judge character and analyze situations together. Don’t scare your teen; instead, warn them about gullibility. And don’t be afraid to discuss personal issues—ask gently if they have a crush, share your experiences, and add humor or anecdotes from your own youth. - Create shared traditions. Nothing brings a family closer than creating traditions over the years. Come up with activities just for you and your child—for example, a monthly trip to the cinema or a weekly visit to the pool. Make sure your teen genuinely enjoys these activities; let them have a say, and don’t be offended if they want to try something else.
Beyond meaningful conversation, play games together as you once did when they were small. There are many great board, active, and team games that teenagers—and adults—enjoy, from associative "Dixit" to strategic "Carcassonne," from lively "Twister" to the humorous "Munchkin." Most importantly, gather as a family for fun and connection—whether it’s exploring imaginary dungeons or playing "Charades."
Games are incredibly beneficial. They develop dexterity, thinking, social skills, knowledge, and creativity—sometimes even better than schoolwork. Experts also recommend occasionally playing your teen’s favorite computer games together—whether “Conquiztador,” “Heroes of Might and Magic,” or various online quests and races. This can be wonderful bonding time.