Anxiety That My Kid Can’t Cope With: How to Help Toddlers and Young Children Deal With Anxiety
Sometimes, adult life is full of anxiety, and we, as adults, are used to coping with our worries and anxieties. But what about children, who are not yet fully familiar with the world around them or their own feelings? Children don't yet understand how different emotions and feelings arise, and they may not know how to safely express negative emotions for themselves or others. Sometimes, children inherit anxiety from their parents or develop it as a result of overly authoritarian upbringing, causing them real suffering. This anxiety can prevent them from enjoying life, gaining new experiences, making friends, and growing up, separating them from their parents.If your child often complains about nightmares, phobias, or physical symptoms (like headaches or stomachaches), has no appetite, blushes or sweats when speaking to someone, feels more worried than other kids, or constantly fears that something bad will happen, your child needs your help. Make it a habit to address their anxiety systematically—because you, as a parent, have the power to ease it and support their healthy development.
Use play therapy to relieve your child’s anxiety and its symptoms.
8 Games to Help the Anxious Child
The most important rule when playing with anxious children:
A game should be enjoyable, not focused on results or competition! That doesn't mean you should forbid anxious children from playing games like hide-and-seek or tag.
In any game, shift the focus to enjoyment, creativity, or imagination. For example, in Tag “in the Jungle” (Game No. 1): instead of just running, the participants move like monkeys, lions, or crawl like snakes. Children love imitating animals, and the fun of acting outweighs the desire to win.
Games should boost self-esteem! Anxious children often have a powerful “inner critic.” They may feel dissatisfied with themselves or question their own value. Even if you feel you show your child enough love and care, think about how you demonstrate respect for your child. Do you respect their right to make mistakes? When your child makes a mistake, do you help them understand it, or do you leave them alone with their failure? If you truly respect your child, you accept them as they are, with all their traits and quirks. For example, calm parents appreciate their energetic child without trying to make them “quieter,” and outgoing parents let their introverted child enjoy solitude. Only then will the child feel that “they are good as they are”—important and valued by you, no matter their mood or temperament.Empowering games:
- 1 year - 5 years. The game “A Bunny and an Elephant” (Game No. 2): Start by inviting your child to pretend to be a bunny—jumping, eating carrots. Then ask what a bunny does when it hears someone or a wolf? The bunny-child trembles and curls into a ball. Then a wolf (or person) appears. The bunny looks around, scared, then quickly hops away. Next, your child pretends to be an elephant—moving gracefully, blowing out air with a trunk. The elephant hears someone/wolf. What does the elephant do? Elephants are big and strong—so they react calmly or even make friends.
- 6 years and up. The game “The Achievement Box” (Game No. 3): This works for kids and even adults. Make a box with your child for notes on achievements of the day—“I made my bed,” “I got dressed myself at kindergarten,” “I completed the teacher’s task,” “I helped mom with the dishes,” etc. At the week’s end, open the box and read the notes together. If your child is having a hard time, open the box early for encouragement.
- 4 years and up. Continue “I Can…” (Game No. 4): This encourages self-esteem at any age. With young kids, pause to work with each phrase ending: While tossing a ball, prompt them to finish phrases like “I can…,” “I’m able to…,” “I’ll learn to…” Small children can dream big: “I can fly!” “I can shed leaves like trees.” Celebrate all responses; don’t insist on total honesty or seriousness. When you swap, invent your own creative examples, mixing fantasy with real skills.
Advice:
To better understand your parent-child relationship, try our Parenting Mentor Test. Get feedback about your parenting approach and recommendations for managing your child’s anxiety if needed.
Games encourage relaxation! Anxious children often have tense muscles in the neck, jaw, or eyes. At moments of anxiety, they may also complain of abdominal or chest pain. Reducing body tension can help your child overcome lingering anxiety.
- 2 years - 10 years. Play “The Photographer” (Game No. 5): You play the role of photographer, your child makes funny faces, freezes for a “photo,” then relaxes their face and body. Suggest animal impressions or funny characters. If your child is hesitant, switch roles and let them take imaginary photos of you. Encourage them to show you their own impressions.
- 1.5 years - 5 years. “The Balloon” (Game No. 6): This simple activity relaxes the tummy. Ask your child to pretend there’s a balloon inside their stomach. They breathe in slowly, “inflating” the tummy, hold, and then let out the air with a big breath. Make sure their shoulders stay loose throughout.
- 1 year - 12 years. “Making a Pizza!” (Game No. 7): A fantastic stress-reliever for everyone. It builds trust and helps release any pent-up energy. Parent and child take turns pretending to make their favorite food from each other’s body (pizza, hamburger, etc.). The child lies down to become the “dough.” The parent pretends to sprinkle flour, knead the dough, add toppings, “bake” and “slice” the pizza, and so on—it all resembles a gentle, fun massage. Only do actions your child enjoys, repeat favorites, and let them give the pizza a name. Then switch roles and let your child be the chef.
- 3 years - 12 years. The drawing game “A Brave Person” (Game No. 8): This helps children avoid idealizing certain traits. Ask your child to draw a “brave person”—often it’s a favorite hero. Ask about their character’s life: Who are they? What do they eat? Where do they live? Who are their friends? Show enthusiasm, especially when their hero is realistic or connected to the child’s interests. Help your child recognize that even brave people have fears (like darkness or spiders) but face challenges regardless.