Anxious Child: How Can You Help?

Anxious Child: How Can You Help?

Modern psychologists note that children today often experience anxiety. While we can discuss the reasons for this, it's undeniable that parents must take steps to ensure their little family member’s anxiety does not develop into frequent illnesses.

Meanwhile, here are some important recommendations that work for most situations.

1. Create a peaceful home environment free from discussions about negativity and your own worries. If you usually talk about such things during dinner – change this habit and instead discuss daily events or future plans. Avoid sharing stories about illnesses or accidents involving yourself, relatives, or acquaintances. Don’t discuss your fears in front of your child. Many topics that seem normal to adults actually make the child believe the world is scary and dangerous: that there are germs everywhere, animals spread diseases, electrical appliances are deadly, fire burns, stairs can be dangerous, and so on. Watch what your anxious child hears and sees on TV. Avoid news, crime, or disaster movies. For example, a movie about a plane crash can become the basis for a flight phobia that can affect them as adults.
2. Introduce dangers of the world to your anxious child gradually. For instance, if your child isn’t interested in irons or kettles, there's no need to warn them about their dangers right away. Don’t overreact to your child’s falls, bruises, or bumps. Redirect their attention: “Brush off your pants. That’s right, brush them off well.” This distraction will help them forget the fall more quickly.
3. Be consistent with rules and expectations. Avoid abruptly forbidding something that was previously allowed. Sudden changes make children feel life is unpredictable; not knowing what to expect makes them assume the worst and increases their insecurity.
4. Anxious children often struggle to start something new. The unknown can feel frightening. Let your child observe before participating. For example, when introducing potty training, let your child get used to the potty’s presence. Watching older children use it can help. When starting nursery school, begin with walks around the grounds so your child can see other children playing without parents.
5. Any form of art therapy helps anxious children. Drawing or modeling their fears helps children realize these fears aren’t as overwhelming as they seem.
6. Maintain eye contact when talking to your anxious child, especially when offering comfort. This reassures your child that their feelings are important to you, building trust and helping them relax.
7. Gentle touch and hugs can reduce anxiety in everyone, especially in children. Psychologists estimate children need 8 hugs a day for healthy development. Hug your child often—for any reason or no reason at all.

1. Never compare your child to others. Anxious children are often self-critical and have low self-esteem. Comparing them to others increases their nervousness and fear of not measuring up or disappointing you.
2. Don’t set excessively high expectations. If your child shows signs of anxiety, don’t pressure them to always be top of the class or win prizes. Instead, notice what they do well and celebrate all improvements, however small. If nothing stands out yet, suggest a new hobby and encourage every bit of progress. For example, if your hyperactive child is often criticized for restlessness, try chess or art. A new activity can foster patience while you praise their efforts.
3. Don’t rush your child. Avoid pushing your anxious child or setting strict time limits, as this will only worsen their anxiety.
4. Don’t humiliate or threaten your child. Avoid harsh words or names—they can damage your child’s sense of self. Don’t discuss failures or use threats like, “Shut up or I’ll leave you.” Anxious children take these words literally and see them as direct threats.
5. Don’t force your child to make promises, oaths, or formal apologies. Anxious children may feel tremendous pressure from promising things, especially if they fear not living up to them. Even after a serious mistake, like stealing, ask them to explain their actions instead of demanding a formal apology.
6. Don’t contradict other respected adults, such as the other parent, grandparents, or teachers. Avoid saying, “Your dad/grandma/teacher doesn’t know anything.” Make sure all caretakers agree on rules and expectations. This avoids situations where, for example, a grandparent gives a forbidden treat, leaving your child anxious about getting in trouble.
7. Don’t overwhelm your child with criticism. Try this: note every critical comment you and your partner give your child during the day. Review them each evening. How many were necessary or helpful? Many parents realize that 40% to 60% of remarks were unnecessary, contradictory (“Be quiet and speak calmly”), or simply too much information at once. Starting at age 3, children often imitate adults and will undress by themselves after coming home.
    

   Advice:
   Many childhood problems, including anxiety, can improve in an atmosphere of warmth and trust. Take our Parenting Mentor Test to receive a description of your family situation, get an outside perspective on your challenges, and discover what may be causing your child’s anxiety. Our suggestions will help you and your child manage stress, reduce worries, and improve your quality of life.