Building Up a Child’s Personality: 10 Tips to Support Your Child’s Development
The everyday choices parents make shape who their children become, influencing whether they will find the right path, make friends, and build a happy life. Every parent wants to see their child happy. However, parents’ understanding of happiness does not always match the times, their child’s life circumstances, or the unique abilities their child has. Parents need to find a balance between giving their child space to express themselves freely and gently guiding them to develop their best qualities.Don’t Rush Children
- Don’t rush your child’s development. Every child is unique and develops at their own pace, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Don’t worry if your child is on the lower end of the normal range for height and weight, as long as they are healthy and energetic. The same applies if your child is quieter than their peers—perhaps it’s just part of their nature. Allow your child to develop at their own pace without burdening them with your doubts or worries.
- Don’t rush children when they speak to you. Adult impatience can hinder a child’s self-expression. Constantly rushing a child makes it difficult for them to develop independent thinking. Give your child the time to answer basic questions like “What is your name?” or “How old are you?” even if it takes longer than you expect.
- Don’t rush children when they eat, use the bathroom, and so on. Allowing children to follow their natural rhythms helps them develop independence and reduces stress. Instead of rushing, motivate them: promise an activity after breakfast, or talk about where you’ll go after getting dressed. This approach helps your child gradually become independent in everyday tasks.
Don’t Reinforce Fears
If a parent reacts emotionally to every little mishap, the child may learn to be fearful, anxious, or tearful. For example, if a two-year-old stumbles and a frightened parent rushes in with excessive sympathy, the child learns to fear such incidents. But if the parent stays calm and supportive (“Everything’s fine, you fell down but now you can get up. Let’s brush off your pants”), the child learns to handle these situations with ease and quickly move on.
Don’t Reinforce Negative Behaviors
Be mindful when giving attention to your child’s behavior. Sometimes, frequent illness brings extra care and attention, special privileges, or more screen time, which can unintentionally reinforce sickly behaviors—even if the child is not pretending. Similarly, temper tantrums that are met with immediate capitulation teach children to get what they want through outbursts. Always offer love and care, regardless of your child’s mood or health. Strengthen positive qualities, and teach your child to negotiate and cooperate instead of rewarding negative behaviors.
Take Care of Their Health
For your child to reach their full potential, they need physical resources, which come from a healthy lifestyle. A regular daily routine, nutritious food, sports, and outdoor activities all contribute to a happy and active life.
Advice:
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Ask Questions
By asking questions, you help your child learn to think and analyze.
Don’t stop at simple questions like “How much is two plus two?” No matter whether your child gets the answer right, ask them how they solved it. This gives another chance to practice and remember the process.
When your child misbehaves, avoid scolding or lecturing right away. Instead, ask calmly and curiously: “Why did you do this?” “What did you want?” Many young children are not initially aware of why they acted out. Your questions can help them pay attention to their feelings—it might take a moment, but they may answer, “I was angry,” “I wanted to make Mom happy because she loves my drawings,” “I was just having fun,” and so on.
Accept Your Child’s Setbacks
Accept your child whether they are first or not, whether they succeed or fail. Developing resilience is valuable, and children learn this best when their parents’ support does not depend on achievements. Your child already feels disappointed by failure. At these times, words like, “Cheer up! Life doesn’t end here! With practice and study, you’ll succeed!” will help your child feel loved and develop a strong sense of self-worth. This foundation makes it easier to face teenage years and stressful situations like exams.
Scold Without Using “You ...”
Critique the behavior, not the child. Explain how their actions make you feel: “That’s wrong, and it makes me sad/angry.” This helps the child understand their mistake without damaging their self-esteem or trust. High self-esteem empowers children to believe in themselves and their abilities.
Let Children Make Mistakes and Experience Consequences
Don’t solve all their problems for them. Allow younger children to stumble and get up or put on their shoes the wrong way and feel the discomfort. Give older kids some freedom in schoolwork and relationships with peers, but always be ready to offer advice and support when asked. This nurtures autonomy, responsibility, and initiative.
Give Pocket Money
By age 6 or 7, a child can start receiving some pocket money. Don’t use money to manipulate or control them, or threaten to take it away for misbehavior. Teach good money habits by occasionally reminding your child they have the ability to buy things themselves—for example, “I can buy you this toy, or you can save your pocket money and buy it in three days.”
Encourage a Well-Rounded Personality
When you recognize a child’s strengths, nurture them—but don’t neglect other areas. If your child is good at sports, help foster a love of reading or music as well. Even if they’re less skilled in other activities, developing a well-rounded personality is important. Spend time occasionally on “secondary” activities and praise your child’s effort—willpower grows when we try things that aren’t easy for us.
It is beneficial for your child if you minimize negative factors such as a hostile peer environment, poor living conditions, or family conflict.
Advice:
Take our psychological Parenting Mentor Test to learn what’s helping or hindering your child right now. You’ll receive not only a description of their strengths and weaknesses but also recommendations on how you can support them in becoming a well-developed person.