Child Not Listening to Parents: Probable Consequences
Raising a child is a challenging journey that every parent must face. Often, young children do not meet the expectations of first-time parents. They are not always polite, sometimes moody, and have their own opinions, which may differ from yours.Perfect children do not exist. Children who are too docile and calm may grow up less well adjusted compared to their curious and rebellious peers. Of course, most parents are pleased when their children meet their expectations quietly and obediently. However, this kind of behavior also has a downside. A "convenient" child who agrees with everything may struggle to stand up for themselves. They might be easily influenced by others, including those who may harm them.
Advice:
But raising an overly naughty child isn't good either. If your child refuses your requests, ignores you, or acts out of spite, it's a serious sign to reflect on your parenting approach. To help you identify the cause of your child's disobedience, professional psychologists have created a special Parenting Mentor Test for you. Take the test now to learn how to better support your child.
There are four main reasons why a child may start to misbehave:
- Seeking attention. If parents don't spend enough time with their child, the child may misbehave to gain attention. Your child's main goal is to get you to notice them.
What to do? Show interest in your child's life. Spend more time together and listen to what they have to say. - Self-affirmation. If parents are too strict, giving orders instead of having conversations, the child may start to defy them out of spite, just to prove they have their own personality.
What to do? Build your relationship on a democratic foundation, not an authoritarian one. Respect your child's individuality. Talk to them as you would with another adult. - Revenge. If you spend more time with another child or a new stepparent enters the family, disobedience can be a way for the child to seek revenge for feeling hurt. They want you to feel the same pain they've experienced.
What to do? Talk to your child; try to understand what upsets them about your behavior. Express your love so they know they are always loved and needed, no matter the changes in your life. - Loss of confidence. If you frequently criticize or punish your child, they may stop listening to you. Eventually, they may believe nothing good is expected of them and act out because they expect to be punished regardless.
What to do? Praise your child for their achievements. Encourage them and show that you believe in their abilities.
Refusal to Comply
Example: Your child refuses to wear a hat, eat soup, or put away their toys.
Solution:
Solution:
- To persuade your child to follow your requests, give them a choice. For instance, ask which hat they would prefer to wear. Allowing your child to choose helps them feel involved and less likely to refuse.
- Offer the illusion of choice. For example, before serving soup, ask which type they want—potato or noodle soup—even if both options are similar. This lets your child feel in control while you reach your goal.
- To encourage tidiness, let your child have a designated area where they can keep their things messy. Teach them to clean their room, but also provide a separate rug or box for things they don't want to put away. Eventually, your child will realize it's easier and more pleasant to keep things in order.
Example: Your child breaks adult rules. This often happens when the adult's authority is weakened by either being too lenient or too strict.
Leniency
If a mother forbids sweets before dinner but a grandmother gives candy anyway, the mother's authority suffers. Next time, the child will be more likely to ignore her rules, even in more important matters. Do not let relatives contradict your parenting. If a parent sets a rule, other adults should support it, not undermine it.
Solution: Show resolve. Talk to relatives and explain they should not encourage behaviors you've prohibited. Explain the reasons for these rules to your child privately, to avoid public criticism or mixed messages.
Authoritarianism
Some parents mistakenly think that using force or intimidation will create respect. In reality, this only works while you're present. When you are not there, your child may do as they please, sometimes unwisely.
Solution: Love and respect cannot be forced. Have open conversations with your child. They need to understand why certain behaviors are prohibited and how disobedience could impact them. They should not fear you, but rather understand the genuine consequences of their actions. For example, crossing the road during a red light can cause harm. Also, your child should know that if they accidentally break a rule, you will not stop loving them, but you may be disappointed by their actions.
Tantrums
Example: Your child demands something in the store every day and throws a tantrum if they don't get it.
Reason: This behavior is most common in children whose parents often give in to their demands.
Solutions: It's healthy to indulge your child from time to time, but moderation is key. Otherwise, they may grow up with unrealistic expectations. Children need to learn from an early age that not all wishes are instantly granted and that some things must be earned. When shopping, explain that you didn't plan to buy that toy today, but you understand they want it. Agree on when you might buy it, and if you won't, explain your reasons.
A great activity to instill value for money and effort is to organize a family fair where your child can sell handmade items like drawings or crafts. Each month, give your child a budget for personal purchases—such as a desired toy—but encourage them to "earn" this money by creating items that family members can "buy." Involving family friends with children can promote healthy competition and teach the importance of effort. Toys purchased with their own "earnings" will bring more joy and teach independence and success.