Conflict management in childcare for toddlers
Learning to handle conflicts, resolve them humanely, and understand the needs of others is an important skill that children acquire through interactions with peers and siblings. Parents cannot and should not completely eliminate conflicts from a child’s life, but they should be prepared to handle them.The most important rule for solving conflicts is to prevent the situations that cause them!
Therefore, think in advance about such things as the personal space of each child, personal belongings and toys, how you share your attention and care equally, and teaching respect for others' boundaries.
From an early age, gently teach children to respect boundaries: ask permission before taking something that belongs to another child, and don't interrupt someone else’s activity or play without asking.
Spending a lot of time in a confined space often leads to conflict among children. When traveling by car or bus, plan activities for all children. Bring something that each child will find interesting; for one child it might be a crossword puzzle or a book, for another a Rubik’s cube, and so on. Do the same when waiting at the clinic or another public place. Keeping the children occupied reduces the temptation to bother each other.
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You can approach children’s conflicts in different ways, but most importantly, effective conflict management achieves two goals:
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Reducing the level of aggression.
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Supporting proper conflict development and resolution. Ideally, helping children avoid conflicts altogether.
- Non-interference
One of the common causes of children’s conflicts is the struggle for adult attention. At times, non-interference in children’s quarrels can help restore peace between them.
If aggression is decreasing and children are not harming or insulting each other, this approach works. Otherwise, adults should intervene to prevent harm or serious emotional injury, as children in the heat of the moment can say things that deeply hurt each other (e.g., “But Dad left us because of you,” “Grandma died because you didn’t listen to her,” or “It would have been better if you were never born.”) - Punishment for conflict or fighting without understanding the reasons
It is often difficult to identify the instigator when conflicts between children have a long history – maybe someone took a book without asking yesterday, and today a sibling ate another’s dessert in retaliation, resulting in a push, and so on. Some parents may choose to punish both children for serious conflicts or fights. This can unify the siblings, encouraging them to resolve issues more peacefully to avoid punishment.
In this case, keep in mind two important points:
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Punish children equally, regardless of age or gender.
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Children should know about the consequences of fighting in advance. Make it clear: “Next time you start a fight, you’ll both be punished. Neither of you will go to the movies this weekend.”
- Discuss and identify the causes
Many families who value democratic parenting prefer this method of resolving children’s conflicts.
Discussing the causes and feelings involved clarifies motivations for parents, including children’s unmet needs and unspoken wishes.
- Take the children to another space. Sometimes a change in setting helps lower tension. In a calm, quiet place, children can relax and become more willing to talk.
- Speak to each child separately. If they’re not generally friendly, this helps. Full reconciliation may be unlikely during the discussion, but it’s easier for a child to admit to feelings like jealousy or resentment over unfair responsibilities in private rather than in front of the other child.
- Consult with the children on how to prevent future conflict. Listen carefully to all suggestions, even the unrealistic ones (“Let our younger brother go live with Grandma,” “Lock the sister in the bath,” etc.). Write them down, then discuss what is possible and what is not. For example, “I cannot give your brother to Grandma; every child is important to me,” or “We can put your valuable toys on the top shelf, out of your sister’s reach,” or “I’m happy to step in and help if your younger brother is bothering you – just let me know.”
Whatever strategy you choose, it’s important that parents support children’s efforts towards peace and praise them for resolving conflicts. To foster this, allow children some freedom and don’t intervene at the first sign of a disagreement. Give them the chance to work things out on their own.
Advice: