Corporal Punishment of Children: Consequences
Punishment, especially corporal punishment, is one of the least effective methods of educating children. Yet sometimes, in moments of desperation, parents simply do not know how else to influence their child. Many adults who were physically punished in childhood claim they have forgiven their parents. However, more often than not, they may be deceiving themselves. Perhaps forgiveness is possible, but it is unlikely that they can truly forget. Despite this, even many wealthy families continue the practice of physically punishing children, and for some it becomes habitual. As a result, the child stops responding to words, and parents, instead of explaining what the child has done wrong, immediately resort to physical punishment.Most parents who view physical punishment as normal are unaware that they cannot truly teach their child about the world in this way. After punishment, a child might apologize and even promise to behave better in the future—but often, once outside the home, they act differently, simply demonstrating what they believe parents want to see. In other words, the child may appear to have learned the lesson, but in reality, continues to act as before.
Advice:
Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test, which will help you better understand your feelings and moods, and to understand your child as well. As a result, you will receive detailed recommendations for controlling your own aggression in your relationship with your child, advice for developing new ways to interact, and steps to establish better contact in order to prevent violence and mistreatment in the future.
Many adults believe that physical punishment will discipline their child more quickly, and that a slap is easier than a lengthy conversation. By resorting to such measures, parents hope to teach their child to follow family rules. In doing so, however, they foster resentment, aggression, and anger, which can build up over the years within a still-developing personality.
According to the Convention on the Rights of the Child, every child has the right to be protected from all forms of physical or mental violence, injury, or abuse. Therefore, to hit a child is to violate their rights.
The most common reason for physical punishment is the parents' inability to cope with challenging situations, lack of self-reflection, and a focus on societal norms (wanting their child to live up to social expectations) without trying to understand what the child is experiencing. Paradoxically, parents inflict physical and emotional pain on their children under the guise of "education." For many, it is not the child's feelings that matter most, but whether the child's behavior matches their own ideals. What are the consequences of these "educational" methods? Children feel humiliated and crushed by the people they trust most.
Traditional punishments (such as slaps, shoves, cuffs, or hitting with a belt or other objects) often result in physical injury because parents may lose control and fail to gauge the strength of their actions. Sometimes, they cannot stop themselves and can cause serious harm. Later, it can be very difficult—or even impossible—to restore a healthy relationship between child and parent, even with professional help.
Disproportionate punishment can have the opposite or an unforeseen effect. For example, punishing a child for poor grades may lead them to hide problems at school. The threat of flogging for an "F" could produce a short-term improvement, but will likely create a deep-seated aversion to that subject or school in general.
Psychological violence based on fear. It is impossible to achieve lasting, positive changes in behavior through psychological violence. On the contrary, over time this approach always damages the emotional bond with parents and undermines the child's self-esteem. If a child is constantly exposed to fear, anxiety, and confusion, they may fall behind in mental and physical development, developing sleep and appetite disturbances and increased anxiety. Frequent consequences of corporal punishment include loss of control over bodily functions, tics, and night terrors.
Systematic physical violence significantly affects the child's mental state and behavior: the child may develop a fear of physical contact with adults and become tearful. They may experience loneliness, lack friends, and show irritability or aggression, including cruelty to animals, or even suicidal behavior. In adolescence, corporal punishment may trigger protest, leading some teens to run away from home or seek support in antisocial groups.
Traditional punishments (such as slaps, shoves, cuffs, or hitting with a belt or other objects) often result in physical injury because parents may lose control and fail to gauge the strength of their actions. Sometimes, they cannot stop themselves and can cause serious harm. Later, it can be very difficult—or even impossible—to restore a healthy relationship between child and parent, even with professional help.
Disproportionate punishment can have the opposite or an unforeseen effect. For example, punishing a child for poor grades may lead them to hide problems at school. The threat of flogging for an "F" could produce a short-term improvement, but will likely create a deep-seated aversion to that subject or school in general.
Psychological violence based on fear. It is impossible to achieve lasting, positive changes in behavior through psychological violence. On the contrary, over time this approach always damages the emotional bond with parents and undermines the child's self-esteem. If a child is constantly exposed to fear, anxiety, and confusion, they may fall behind in mental and physical development, developing sleep and appetite disturbances and increased anxiety. Frequent consequences of corporal punishment include loss of control over bodily functions, tics, and night terrors.
Systematic physical violence significantly affects the child's mental state and behavior: the child may develop a fear of physical contact with adults and become tearful. They may experience loneliness, lack friends, and show irritability or aggression, including cruelty to animals, or even suicidal behavior. In adolescence, corporal punishment may trigger protest, leading some teens to run away from home or seek support in antisocial groups.
The long-term effects of corporal punishment include:
- An increased risk of self-harm or suicidal attempts;
- Difficulties adapting to new or external conditions;
- Reduced capabilities (such as poor academic performance);
- Lack of dreams or aspirations for the future;
- Tendency toward anger and aggression, sometimes with difficulty controlling these emotions toward others;
- Aggression toward their own children in the future;
- Greater risk of engaging in marital violence;
- Heightened risks for substance abuse, criminal behavior, prostitution, or unintended pregnancy.
Ultimately, any form of physical punishment shapes a child's understanding of the world and how close relationships work. The beliefs and behavioral patterns children form in response to parental behavior can shape their future ways of relating to others:
- The belief that those who love you most are the ones who hurt you (leading to an "eternal victim" mindset);
- The idea that you have the right to hurt people who are weaker (creating a bully or aggressor role);
- The notion that physical force is a justified way to achieve goals when other methods do not work.
Perhaps the gravest consequence of corporal punishment is the emotional chasm that can open between parent and child, which may cause parents to lose control over their child's trust and respect. In other cases, a child who fears their parents may lose their own sense of self, becoming overly dependent and unable to act independently as adults, always afraid of parental criticism. Thus, emotionally strong children may become angry or emotionally numb, while the more sensitive may become timid and afraid to move forward.
Many parents describe corporal punishment as the most "effective" method. In truth, it is the simplest and most convenient for adults, as expressing anger comes naturally, but holding back, calmly explaining mistakes, redirecting attention, and showing understanding and respect require real effort. The main reason for a more thoughtful approach should be the parents’ awareness of all the harmful effects of corporal punishment.
Advice:
We know you want your child to grow up happy and healthy. Our Parenting Mentor Test will help you understand the real reasons behind your feelings of aggression toward your child and suggest ways to positively change both your child’s behavior and your own approach to discipline. It can help you teach your child self-discipline, moral values, and reduce corporal punishment to zero in your family.
It is never too late to truly listen to your child, respect their inner world, and nurture their growth, even while they are still young. After all, their future success and happiness depend largely on your actions—on whether they grow into independent, successful, and kind adults, or repeat these same patterns of violence and abuse. Children raised with warmth and support will create that same environment in their own families.
And only adults can create such an atmosphere in the family!