Emotional Signs of Anger in a 2-Year-Old: Baby Anger Problems and Management
Parents often begin to worry about their child's aggression problems around 12-18 months. At this age, many children who have previously been calm start to express negative emotions more actively—through hitting, pinching, or biting. Sometimes toddlers use loud, aggressive crying as a form of retaliation for things they dislike.The reason is simple. As children approach 2 years old, they start to explore their social environment, which includes not only family members but also peers. They may discover that another child can upset or annoy them. However, 2-year-old children do not know how to resolve conflicts or manage their negative emotions. They do not yet know how to properly express anger, nor what to do with feelings like jealousy or the need for attention from important adults.
While aggression in 2-year-old children can be normal, it is important not to ignore it. Parents should guide their child in learning how to behave appropriately in social settings, so that aggression does not become a default response. This should be done kindly and patiently—without shaming, blaming, or punishing—because a two-year-old cannot yet understand everything about human relationships.
You can try the following methods:
- Do not allow your child to hit or hurt others. Gently take your child's hand if they attempt to strike another child—for example, with a toy in the sandbox. Calmly explain that if this behavior continues, you’ll have to move to another place to play where there are no other children.
- Help your child empathize with others. Use phrases like, "You wouldn’t want me to let other children hit you or break your toys, would you?"
- Assume your child is inherently good and kind. Say things like, "I know you might feel bad about this later. You know it's wrong, and I believe you'll feel sorry for what happened,” or, "You’re a good and kind boy, so why do this?"
- Make sure your child understands that aggressive behavior hurts others. Point this out even when your child is not involved, to teach compassion. You could say, "That girl was hit and now she's crying. Look, she’s hurt and it's making her sad."
- Encourage positive behavior. Acknowledge every act of kindness: when your child feeds birds, pets animals, helps older relatives, or gives up their seat for someone elderly. Use both physical (gentle touch) and verbal praise (“you are very kind and good”).
- Allow safe ways to release aggression through play or sports. Play games with good and bad characters. Let your child play the "bad" character and then switch to the "good" one. This helps reinforce that aggressive behavior is associated with "bad" but it’s better to be good. Supervise to ensure things don’t escalate and no one gets hurt.
- Avoid physical punishment for your child's fights. Physical punishment is counterproductive; your child won’t understand why it’s wrong and it may escalate aggression.
Advice:
If you’re unsure whether your child’s emotional development is on track, take our Parenting Mentor Test. Afterward, you’ll receive a professional summary of your family’s situation and personalized recommendations to help your child be calmer and more even-tempered.
Aggressiveness in children can have other causes beyond just natural emotional development.
Sometimes a child intentionally hurts other children or animals for entertainment or to relieve boredom. These situations require deeper understanding. Often, the cause lies in the family dynamics. For example, in homes with a strict hierarchy—where one parent (often the father) dominates and the other has less authority—the child may feel powerless and humiliated. In this scenario, the child’s aggression towards those weaker than themselves may be a learned behavior from adults.
Another cause is an excess of rules and restrictions, resulting in a rigid environment. If a child cannot meet their parents' high expectations, they may “take it out” on others, picking on those weaker than themselves, since they can’t challenge the stronger parent.
In these cases, families should reconsider their approach to raising children for the benefit of their child's mental and physical well-being. No advice or lecture will help if the child feels anxious or unhappy at home.
Sometimes, a child’s aggression is a cry for attention. This is especially common in families when a new sibling is born and the older child feels left out. In these cases, parents should respond by focusing on praising and supporting the older child’s positive behaviors, especially towards siblings, pets, and others, rather than focusing on aggressive acts. Some families choose to divide care responsibilities so the father looks after the newborn while the mother spends special time with the older child. This can help reduce feelings of neglect or jealousy.
Aggression is not a sign of a happy or well-adjusted child. By identifying the underlying causes of your child’s anger, you can help them resolve their internal conflicts in a healthy way.