Father-Son and Father-Daughter Relationships After Divorce
According to psychologists, divorce can sometimes be more difficult to process subconsciously than the death of a close relative. Both parties experience severe stress. Insults, mutual accusations, quarrels, hostility—divorce often follows this pattern. Rarely do people manage to separate as friends, ending their relationship peacefully.Parental divorce is always a traumatic situation for a child. They love both parents equally. What is the right thing to do for your child if you are planning to divorce their mother or have already signed the divorce papers? What is the difference between relationships with a daughter and with a son? We will answer these and other questions in our article.
Advice:
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If you have separated from your marriage partner, do not blame yourself endlessly. It is natural for people to outgrow relationships. If the love has faded but you have a child together, you must clearly understand several things when parting:
- You are leaving only your ex-partner, not your child. You must continue caring for and loving your child as before. There are no ex-children.
- No matter the reasons for your breakup, do not speak negatively about the child’s mother in their presence.
- Don't seek allies among relatives or try to turn others against your ex-wife. This only causes additional psychological trauma for your child.
- Strive to create a friendly atmosphere between you and your ex-wife, always guided by your child’s best interests. Provide financial support and continue to be involved in your child’s upbringing alongside the mother.
- If you choose to be a “Sunday Dad,” be aware that if you handle the relationship incorrectly, your child may start to manipulate you, as you’ll lose the chance to influence them and will be expected only to entertain and indulge them.
How Do Children of Different Ages Perceive Separation From Their Father and What Should Fathers Do to Maintain a Good Relationship?
Children pick up on the emotional state of their family members from a very young age. If relationships within the family are unhealthy, the child suffers. It is a mistake to believe that babies are unaware of what is happening—they intuitively feel changes in their parents’ emotional states.
- From 0 to 18 months of age
Babies sense their parents’ worries and emotional disturbances. Such infants may suffer from sleep disorders, anxiety, and restlessness. Sometimes, these situations can even hinder the baby’s development. Boys and girls at this age react in similar ways.
What should the father do?
It is important for fathers to be present in the baby's life, even at this early stage. The baby needs to feel their father’s love as much as their mother’s. Visit your baby, feed them, change diapers, and play together. For healthy development, go on walks and talk to your baby. - 18 months–3 years of age
At this stage, toddlers are learning about the world, beginning to walk and talk. They need both parents more than ever and may find parental divorce hard to accept. Feelings of guilt or psychosomatic symptoms may arise.
What should the father do?
How can you build a strong relationship with your son? Fathers are very important for young boys. By observing his father, a boy adopts behavioral patterns. The father should communicate, read, and play educational games with him.
How to establish communication with your daughter? A father has a huge impact on a girl’s development. Childhood relationships with a father set a model for future relationships with men. If you want your daughter to grow into a happy woman, your involvement is essential. You don't have to play dolls—choose activities you both enjoy, such as walking, reading, or drawing together. Children sense insincerity; if you are not genuinely interested, it can cause psychological harm. - From 3 to 6 years of age
Children at this age understand much more and can handle some adult conversations. Talk to your child to prevent them from blaming themselves for your divorce. Many parents mistakenly think children are too young to understand, but this is not true. You don't need to discuss all the details—simply reassure them that you love them, but you and their mother have decided to live separately. Never speak poorly of their mother, even if she initiated the conflict. To your child, both parents are the best.
How to communicate with your son? Building a friendly relationship requires communication and showing genuine interest in his life. Only a father can truly teach his son what it means to be a man.
How to communicate with your daughter? Don’t hesitate to discuss topics traditionally considered 'for men.' Research shows that girls who communicate frequently with their fathers are more successful. A father’s support helps her develop qualities important for future success. - 6–11 years of age
Divorce is especially hard for children in this age group. They may see one parent as good and the other as bad. If your ex-wife turns the child against you, difficulties will arise. The child may blame you for leaving. What should you do? The most important thing is to maintain communication with your child, no matter how hard it feels. Love and reliability build trust. Stay interested, call and visit them, and always keep your promises. If you can't keep an appointment, let them know in advance and reschedule. Remind your child often that they are important to you and that you value your time together.
How to communicate with your son? Communication is always key. Show genuine interest in your son's hobbies. If you do not like them, criticize gently, because boys often take criticism harder than girls. Guide your son, recommend good books, share your knowledge, and strive to earn his respect. Be a positive example.
How to communicate with your daughter? Communicate openly as you would with boys. Your daughter should feel she has your support. Surround her with warmth and care, spend quality time together, and take part in her interests. Visit her dance performances or school events—involvement is crucial.
Divorce causes deep trauma for a child, and when a new partner appears in a parent’s life, or a new half-sibling is born, it can double the psychological impact. If a baby is born in your new marriage, reassure older children that they are still loved.
Consult your child about what clothing or toys to purchase for their younger sibling, and encourage them to visit and interact. Teach your younger children to love and respect their older brothers and sisters.