Fear in Child Psychology: How to Help Your Child Deal with Fears and Phobias
Children’s fears may seem unreasonable or even silly to adults, but for children, they represent an important developmental stage and a way to test their trust in their parents.Think back to your own childhood and recall at least one of your own phobias. Perhaps you weren’t afraid of the dark like your daughter, but instead felt an overwhelming and inexplicable fear of dogs or strangers. Remember how those experiences affected you. This understanding can help you relate to your child who, for example, might dash out of a room in panic after spotting a spider’s web in the corner.
It’s best to address a child’s phobias as soon as they appear. This is usually a gradual process, and it isn’t possible to “cure” your child of their phobia in just a few days. However, through consistent and thoughtful actions, you can help your child overcome their fears over time. This support will help your child feel safer and more emotionally stable as they grow older.
What should parents do?
- Acknowledge your child’s fear. Don’t ignore or dismiss your child’s fears with phrases like, “It’ll disappear on its own,” or “He/she will grow out of it.” It’s possible the phobia may persist or manifest in other ways, creating lingering anxiety. Instead, try saying, “I understand you very well.” Sometimes these words alone can ease anxiety and comfort your frightened child.
- Don’t belittle your child’s fear. Take their feelings seriously. Avoid saying things like, “That’s nonsense! What’s there to be afraid of?” or “It’s only a small dog, it won’t hurt you.” Respect your child’s feelings, and avoid panicking yourself.
- If your child panics or experiences intense fear, don’t scold them. Give them a hug and speak kindly and gently. If possible, distract them with an enjoyable activity, but not with food or habits you consider harmful (such as video games or social media).
Advice:
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- Don’t give in to fear. Try not to alter your lifestyle due to your child’s anxieties. For example, if you plan to go for a walk but see a dog your child is afraid of at the playground, don’t cancel your plans. Wait until the dog leaves, or keep a comfortable distance and go to a different playground.
- Don’t completely shield your child from the source of their fear. Shielding your child might offer short-term relief, but it won’t help in the long run. Instead, help your child gradually get used to the feared object or situation. For example, if your child is afraid of spiders, there’s no need to remove every spider in the house. If they’re afraid of the dark, avoid turning on all the lights every evening. Over-accommodation can actually reinforce their fear.
- If you have your own phobias, try not to let your child see them. Ideally, seek help for your own anxiety or find ways to manage it. It’s not necessary to share your fear of flying or dogs, for example, as children often mimic their parents’ fears. However, if relevant, you can share a story about overcoming your fear to show your child that it’s possible to cope and feel better.
- Gently introduce your child to the object of their fear. If your child is afraid of dogs, start with drawings or toy versions. Use cartoons where the animals look friendly, or use pretend play to make flying in an airplane safe and fun. This gradual exposure can help your child become more curious and less fearful, especially if you explore the topic together or use educational resources.
- Try fairy tale therapy. Help your child cope by telling fairy tales about a boy or girl “just like you” who faced similar fears. Share their emotions and explain how they overcame their fears, maybe with help from a friend who resembles your child’s favorite toy. Later, ask your child to draw scenes from the story; drawing can help release fear and develop emotional resilience.