Feel bad and guilty for yelling at your child? 10 ways to apologize
Even if you have seriously upset your child, it's always possible to restore your relationship. Good communication starts with a sincere apology. Apologizing isn't just for children—parents should also know how to apologize to their child. Here’s a brief guide with 10 effective ways to apologize to your child.The rules for apologizing apply to both adults and children. Honestly, there are many reasons to apologize to your child in a single day: maybe you snapped, shouted, or impatiently took a tablet from their hands. What can you do to restore harmony?
Advice:
Don't be afraid of “losing authority” with your child by admitting you were wrong. All parents make mistakes, and there's no shame in that. Try our unique Parenting Mentor Test, which will help you better understand your feelings and moods, as well as your child’s. You’ll receive detailed recommendations on how to apologize without losing credibility in your child’s eyes, plus advice on managing guilt and building a warm, trusting relationship.
- Take a timeout after a conflict before apologizing, so you can collect your thoughts. You can say, “Sorry. Right now, I’m too upset to think clearly. Give me a minute, and I’ll come back to talk.” Step away, take a deep breath, and return once you’re calm. Try not to delay too long—don’t put off your apology until evening or the next day, as it’s best done soon. The longer you wait, the less relevant your apology may become, and the harder it is to make amends.
- Put yourself in your child’s shoes. "I can imagine how you felt." Compassion comes from understanding, so take a moment to consider your child’s feelings: shame, hurt, anger? Even if you imagine one feeling and your child felt another, it opens up a dialogue. This helps you get to know your child better.
- Apologize for your behavior, not for who you are: “I thought about what happened, and I don’t like what I said (or did.)” Focus on the behavior without excuses like: “I yelled because you...” Bad behavior by others is no excuse for your own. Explain your feelings without shifting blame: “I was upset,” “I feel bad,” “I regret what happened.” It’s important for your child to see your feelings, love, and desire to improve your relationship. Don’t hide emotions—children appreciate honesty and hearing you admit you were wrong.
- Ask your child to help you find a better way forward. Also discuss your child’s actions to prevent future problems. Try to understand what triggered your reaction and what in your child’s behavior sets you off. Work out together how to improve things. You might also benefit from talking to a trusted friend or psychologist to get another perspective.
- Be clear about what you regret—this is essential but doesn't have to take long. Be brief and sincere. Don’t apologize if you don’t really feel guilty; children notice insincerity and it can make things worse. If you want your apology accepted, it must be 100% honest. Avoid going in circles, trickery, or blaming others. Your apology should be as clear and specific as the act or words for which you’re apologizing.
- Use the right words. Call your child by name—it gets their attention. Choose your words carefully: “I regret that I...” is a direct way to clear the air. “I am truly sorry...” shows you recognize your mistake and care. “What can I do...” indicates your willingness to make amends. “Can you forgive me?” allows your child to respond. If you admit your mistake and genuinely apologize, your child is likely to forgive you.
Such questions show you are sincere. If you are apologizing for something you often do, like yelling at your child, this can be a time to start making changes. However, avoid broad promises like, “I’ll never raise my voice again.” Focus on specific actions: “I’ll try to get enough sleep so I’m less irritable,” “We’ll work out a daily routine to follow together.” Be honest about what you can realistically change—take time to phrase it well.
Explain things simply so your child can understand, but clarify your own intentions to yourself as well. It’s important to distinguish between taking your child seriously and being too hard on yourself. - Know when to stop—keep it short and to the point. Overly long apologies can make things worse and reignite conflict. Ending the conversation at the right moment can be tough, but don't drag it out. Avoid phrases like, “I’m a bad mother/father,” “I can’t raise children.” These statements may prompt your child to doubt your guidance in the future.
- Look your child in the eyes—this helps build trust. Don’t toss a rushed “Sorry, forgive me” in passing. Set aside time to talk privately, admitting your mistake and expressing your regret honestly. Apologize face to face, without distraction, for a more meaningful connection.
- After explaining, make sure your child understands you. Ask them to repeat back what happened to be sure they got your message. Together, you can also come up with new rules to help avoid similar conflicts in the future.
- End the moment with a positive activity together: Physical contact is helpful—a hug or a cuddle. Say something like, “Are we okay now? We’re not angry anymore. Let’s make lunch together! / Let’s go for a walk in the park / Let’s go to the store,” and so on. When you sincerely ask for forgiveness, your child will forgive you and your bond will grow. Don’t forget to thank them for their understanding and forgiveness.