How to Be a Good Mother and Father to a Toddler
- Be a parent to your child, not just a friend
Be an adult in your relationship with your child. The roles of parents and children should be clearly understood by everyone. You are loving, caring, supportive, and playful parents—but still parents, not just friends. Express this through your words, calling your child “son,” “baby,” “my little daughter,” and referring to yourself as “mom,” “mommy,” “dad,” or “daddy,” and so on.
Adults are responsible for their own emotions. Don’t blame your children for your fatigue, anger, or tears. Young children aren’t able to handle that guilt. Instead of saying, “Look what you’ve made me do!” or “It’s your fault I lost my temper!”, use “I-messages” like, “I am very angry with you,” or “Your behavior upsets me, and I feel like crying.”
Don’t use your child as emotional support or complain to them about your spouse or family. Excessive complaints about your “difficult life” can weaken your parental authority.
- Be healthy!
From their first year, your child closely watches your lifestyle, absorbing your habits and ways of communication. If you want your child to adopt a healthy lifestyle, show it in your own actions. Eat healthy food, care for your hygiene, and look after your physical health.
Also, take care of your mental health. If you struggle with anxiety, aggression, apathy, or depression, try to address these issues. If you weren’t allowed to express emotions as a child (anger, loud joy, tears), your child may be affected by repressed emotions as they grow.
- Be happy and joyful with and without your child
Smile and enjoy life around your child. Children need to see that people are happy in their presence—it boosts their self-esteem. Words like “I love spending time with you” or “I enjoy our walks” are meaningful for a child. But also let your child know that it’s okay for you both to enjoy time apart.
For example, if your three-year-old stays happily with their grandmother while you and your spouse go out, ask your child if they had fun and share your own experiences together when you return, letting them know you also had a good time.
- Help your child cope with emotions
Your child will face many emotions—tears, screams, and sometimes tantrums. They’ll feel sad, scared, and happy. Your job as a parent is to be present, not to ignore your child’s feelings. What may seem unimportant to you can be a big discovery to them. Toddlers are anxious when they don’t understand their feelings.
Help your child put their feelings into words. If they’re upset and you’re unsure why, offer suggestions: “Did the dogs scare you?” “Are you upset because you didn’t get the toy you wanted?” “Do you miss your dad or grandma?” When you identify their emotions, your child’s behavior will usually change.
They might calm down or start to respond, possibly with a calm flow of tears instead of a tantrum. This teaches your child to understand their feelings and manage emotions in a healthy way.
- See the best in your child
Don’t criticize your child’s character or give them sarcastic nicknames like “jug ears,” “butterfingers,” or “cross-eyed bunny.” This can damage self-esteem, which is developing between ages one and five. If your child does something wrong, criticize the action, not your child. Instead of, “You’re a liar and a cheat!” say, “You lied to me—that’s wrong and it upsets me.”
When you look at your child, what do you feel? Anxiety about their future? Or joy and pride? Notice their positive qualities and accept that they may be different than you in temperament and preferences.
Advice:
Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test to find out whether you and your child are similar or have different personalities. The results will guide you on adapting your parenting style to suit your child’s strengths and needs. Focusing on your child’s strengths helps them grow up happy and confident, knowing they have your love and support. - Play!
Play a lot! Try real-life games like kindergarten, school, hospital, store, railway station, or road traffic. These gently prepare children to become independent members of society. You don’t need to buy lots of toys—toddlers love turning ordinary household items into playthings.
For example, matchboxes can become school tables or hospital beds. Spoons and forks can be used in creative games; soap dishes can be boats for a “Titanic” adventure at bath time, and small plastic bottles can be submarines. Choose games you find interesting, too. An engineer dad can build with blocks or bottles; a mom who loves dogs can take her child to the park and teach them about different breeds. Your genuine interest will spark your child’s curiosity.
- Express your love and attention constantly
According to psychologists, kids need up to eight hugs a day for emotional development. Hug your child! This lowers their anxiety. Touch your child often and gently.
Give them a gentle massage, stroke their neck, shoulders, or legs, and tell them how much you love them and how proud you are to be their parent. Around age two or three, children often become interested in how families are created or how babies are born. Share your child’s birth story—how wanted and loved they were. They’ll love hearing it again and again.
Offer small favors and compliments: “You look beautiful with your neat pigtails,” “You made your bed so well this morning,” or “Thank you—that really helped me.” Even a smiley face made from their morning porridge can brighten their day.
Advice:
Toddlers learn quickly and mostly by imitation. The best “teacher” is one who inspires trust and curiosity. If you can be that person, parenting will be a joy. By taking our unique Parenting Mentor Test, you’ll gain insight into your parent-child relationship and get personalized advice to help your child see you as a caring and trustworthy parent.