How to Build and Boost Confidence in 7 to 17-Year-Olds
How well you understand the principles of raising a self-confident child will help determine their future success, both in their professional life and personal relationships. Low self-esteem often has its roots in early childhood. If parents overcome their child's insecurities, nurture their independence, and instill self-belief as early as possible, many problems can be prevented later on.Of course, there are no strict rules for raising confident boys or girls. Every parent intuitively chooses their own "tactics and strategies" for parenting. Still, psychologists and educators have collected basic recommendations for increasing a child's confidence and self-esteem from an early age. So far, several key approaches have been identified for building a child's self-confidence:
How to help build your child's confidence from 0 to 6 years old:
- To instill confidence in a child early, they must never doubt your unconditional love. This should not be a smothering love, or love given only as a reward for good grades or help around the house. Love your child for who they are, simply because they exist. Your child should know they were not born to fulfill your expectations, but to become a person of integrity. To raise a self-confident child, remind them often of your love. Never speak poorly of your child to anyone! Believe in them, and they will succeed.
- Your child must feel protected without being constantly observed. They should know you are nearby, but not controlling their every move. To develop confidence, always be open and approachable so that your child knows they can ask for help and won't be turned away or forced to handle overwhelming problems alone. Aim to create a warm, supportive atmosphere at home – this is a child’s main refuge from life’s storms.
- According to psychologists, nurturing self-confidence requires letting children make and fix their own mistakes, without fear of harsh criticism or undeserved punishment. Help your child recognize and remedy their errors. Let them know it’s okay to make mistakes, as learning involves trial and error. Remind them that everyone, even mom, dad, and all adults, make mistakes – nobody is perfect.
Advice:
Do you want your child to approach the world with a smile? Teach them self-confidence. It will help them make friends, adapt to new environments, and feel comfortable in social settings. Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test to get personalized recommendations on how to develop your child’s self-esteem and confidence.
How to help build your child’s confidence from 6 to 12 years old:
- Position of equality. How do you raise a happy, self-confident child without becoming a strict critic? Start by talking openly with your child about confidence and letting them recognize if it’s an issue. This openness helps build trust. Communicate with your child as an equal, not from the perspective of age or by placing them on a pedestal.
- Start with yourself. Children pick up many behaviors from their parents. Before working on your child's confidence, examine your own relationship with your spouse. Parental conflicts, even if not witnessed directly, can create a negative atmosphere that undermines a child’s emotional well-being and trust. Respect each other, so your child feels secure. A negative family "microclimate" reduces optimism and social success. Parents’ self-doubt often transfers to children, creating a cycle of low self-esteem. Rather than making confidence the only goal, focus on developing a well-rounded personality through conversations, encouragement, and a healthy family environment.
- Develop communication skills. Confidence grows through interaction. Teach your child to express their wants and feelings. Shy children often go along with others out of reluctance to speak up for themselves. Teach peer communication – practice starting conversations and role-play different scenarios. Activities like theater or drama clubs can help timid children, as long as participation is voluntary, not forced.
- Don’t compare your child to others. Comparing your child to others can foster an inferiority complex and hinder healthy personality development. A lack of parental support makes children feel unloved and unwanted. Ensure your child knows you’ll always support them in difficult times.
- Develop talents and abilities. Help your child find activities that allow them to develop their strengths. Success there will boost their confidence and self-esteem. What matters is they enjoy these activities; don’t force them into what you think is best. Allow your child to discover their own interests (e.g., music, sports, art).
- Accept your child as they are. Parents often want children to have certain traits or abilities. But in trying to shape them, parents can overlook or undervalue who their child already is. Consider if your expectations are realistic. Unreasonable demands can create fear of failure and lower self-esteem. Respect your child’s boundaries: don’t force them to eat, sleep, or engage in affection they don’t want. Accept their individuality – you’ll have more reasons for pride and praise.
- Don’t dwell on failures. Teens are emotionally sensitive, and failures feel more acute than for adults. Bad memories can leave deep marks. Psychologists often trace adult problems back to childhood experiences. Avoid reminding your child about failures; instead, highlight what they learned. Don’t show regret or blame.
- Give advice only when asked. Parents naturally want to share their experience, but insisting on advice when it’s not requested can backfire. If your teenager wants to work things out alone, let them – this builds self-esteem. Always be ready to help if they request it.
- Don’t lecture. Teaching is positive when children are receptive, but constant lecturing is discouraging and implies your child consistently makes mistakes, which lowers their self-esteem and confidence.
- Protect your child from humiliation. If parents try to control their child without success, they may resort to authoritarian tactics that undermine self-worth.
"Why do you always leave such a mess? What a slob you are!"
"You’re never on time. Forget your friends and go home right now!"
Humiliating your child may bring short-term obedience, but at a cost. The side effects include loss of self-confidence, resentment, and broken trust. These impacts are even greater when such words are said in front of friends. Avoid using phrases like "always" and "never"—they exaggerate and strain relationships.
"You’re never on time. Forget your friends and go home right now!"
Humiliating your child may bring short-term obedience, but at a cost. The side effects include loss of self-confidence, resentment, and broken trust. These impacts are even greater when such words are said in front of friends. Avoid using phrases like "always" and "never"—they exaggerate and strain relationships.
- Success builds confidence. One way to help shy children is to encourage activities where they can develop their skills and achieve results. Theater groups and similar activities can help, as long as attendance isn’t forced. Avoid labeling kids as "shy" or "timid," which can reinforce those behaviors. Gradually expand your child’s social horizons so they can experience success step by step.