How to Gain Self-Confidence at School? Top 10 Tips for Parents and Kids
The teenage years are one of the most challenging periods of life, both for children and their parents. Most teenagers feel confused and insecure, struggling to understand themselves. They often lack confidence, are afraid to express their opinions at school, or avoid taking initiative. Additionally, many find it difficult to interact with classmates or defend their ideas. In the future, this uncertainty can lead to self-doubt, complicate social adjustment, and prevent a teenager from realizing their abilities and true potential. However, as a parent, you can help your teenager boost and strengthen their self-confidence. Adolescence is a time of becoming an adult, and only parents can truly support their children through this complex process. Below are 10 simple and effective tips on how to help your teenager develop self-confidence.Tip 1. Awareness
First, try to understand what causes your child's insecurity by identifying and analyzing situations where it appears. Make a list of scenarios in which your child feels uncomfortable—for example, being shy in new situations, feeling awkward with unfamiliar groups, or being hesitant to approach strangers. Perhaps your child struggles with poor grades, despite preparing thoroughly the night before, and hesitates to answer questions in class. If your child can't cope alone, they need your help.
Tip 2. Open Dialogue
Always start by having a heartfelt conversation. If your child receives a low grade, avoid scolding them on the way home or discussing emotional issues hurriedly or during meals. A constructive talk should be a two-way conversation, not a monologue about what should or shouldn't be done. Try to create a warm, comfortable environment where your child is ready to talk. Remember, you are speaking with someone who is almost an adult and deserves respect. Always show respect when communicating with teenagers.
Avoid being arrogant or dismissive. Always treat a teenager's worries and fears with sensitivity. As a supportive parent, try to understand what led your child to act a certain way, what they were thinking, and how they were feeling. Encourage them to express themselves and practice being a good listener. If they're struggling, share a fictional or personal story about feeling nervous when having to answer in front of the class. This can set a positive tone for your conversation.
When your child shares their feelings, acknowledge them—nod, offer understanding, and validate their emotions by saying you would find it stressful too. Your attention and trust are the first steps toward building their confidence. With a supportive parent behind them, things don't seem as daunting. End the conversation with positive stories of people overcoming their insecurities and reassure your child that you are always there for them.
Tip 3. Analyze the Environment
Once you've gathered information from your child, analyze the external factors. Why does your child feel a certain way? Some shyness is normal—some children love to explore, while others are more reserved. Respect these individual differences, but ensure your child feels comfortable in their social environment. Some adjustments may be helpful and necessary.
Perhaps your child only feels insecure around certain people—maybe particularly authoritative figures or a specific teacher. If so, consider talking to that teacher. Many children fear answering questions in class, especially if the teacher is strict. Find common ground with teachers and explain your confidence in your child’s abilities—if possible, ask for alternative ways for them to demonstrate knowledge, such as written assignments.
Be mindful of your own behavior: children often absorb their parents’ responses to stress. If you tend to avoid responsibility, withdraw from stressful situations, or lack confidence around strangers, your child may model these behaviors unknowingly.
Tip 4. Praise and Criticize Constructively
A lack of self-confidence is often linked to low self-esteem. Praise your child not just generally, but for specific actions so they can understand what they did well. Offer genuine compliments. Praising a teenager for their achievements boosts their confidence and motivates them to continue improving.
Try to limit criticism. Negative comments can damage a teenager's self-esteem. If you disapprove of something, take the time to sit down and discuss it calmly rather than judge hastily.
Tip 5. Support Your Teen’s Social Relationships
Pay attention to your child’s friendships. Teach them how to understand people better. Explain that some friends might seem trustworthy at first but can disappoint, while others may pleasantly surprise us. Avoid making negative remarks about your child’s choice of friends.
You don't have to control or choose friends for your child. Instead, teach your teen about mutual respect and understanding in relationships. Their circle of friends significantly impacts self-confidence. Discuss the difference between good and bad friends.
Advice:
Developing healthy self-esteem is essential. Self-confidence is key to success in life. We invite you to take our Parenting Mentor Test to identify the causes of your teenager’s insecurity and get expert recommendations on fostering healthy confidence.
Tip 6. Encourage Extracurricular Activities
Every teenager needs a hobby. Encourage your son or daughter to participate in various activities. Extracurricular pursuits provide valuable experiences of success and failure, helping to build confidence. They also teach teamwork and cooperation. Develop your child’s strengths by supporting activities they enjoy, whether it’s sports, dance, music, theater, or art. Even if you don’t expect them to pursue a career in these areas, respect their passions. Hobbies bring joy, boost self-esteem, and help teens handle setbacks more easily.
Tip 7. Focus on Strengths
Teach your teen to focus on their strengths. Never compare them to friends, siblings, or other peers. Help your teenager see that everyone has unique talents, and comparison only fosters unnecessary competition. Encourage them to compete with themselves and aim for personal improvement by playing to their strengths.
Tip 8. Teach Maturity
Help your teenager build resilience against teasing from peers or others. Bullying can severely impact self-esteem. Teach your teen that words alone can’t hurt them and shouldn’t undermine their confidence. Encourage them to tolerate negativity while maintaining composure.
Tip 9. Offer Encouragement
Simple, everyday encouragement can strongly boost your child’s self-confidence. Let your teenager know you are always there to support them, no matter what. Your backing can make all the difference in their willingness to face challenges confidently.
Tip 10. Seek Professional Help
If your teenager suffers from a severe lack of self-confidence that affects school performance or social life, don’t hesitate to seek outside help. Begin by involving family members, but if issues persist, consult a professional to determine the root causes of self-doubt and help your child overcome low self-esteem.
What if an inspired teenager fails or overestimates their abilities? Never tell them “you’ll never succeed,” “you have no talent,” or “you’re too impatient for this.” Negative feedback can crush initiative. It's vital for teenagers to understand their strengths and identify areas to improve. Allow room for mistakes—failures are learning opportunities. Make it clear that saying “you’re a loser” is worse than “this time it didn’t work because…” and focus on analyzing actions. Most importantly, believe in your teenager’s capacity for growth.