How to Handle a Conflict? 7 Keys to Family Conflict Resolution
We all desire peace and harmony in our families, at work, and in our lives overall. However, we don't live in isolation; we interact with one another, which naturally leads to occasional disagreements. These can sometimes escalate into arguments or conflicts. When family conflicts arise, there's always a risk of hurting those we love. As a result, not only do the participants of the conflict suffer, but so do other close family members. This is particularly true for children, as they are the most emotionally vulnerable and dependent on their parents. Unfortunately, conflicts are inevitable because we're all different. The comfort and well-being of our loved ones—and ourselves—depend on how we learn to resolve them.Sometimes, major mistakes are made when trying to resolve a conflict:
- Instead of looking for solutions, we try to find someone to blame. But in conflicts, both sides usually share responsibility.
- Trying to prove one is right at any cost, refusing to compromise.
- Not expressing your own thoughts, feelings, or desires, and expecting others to guess. This leads to disappointment.
- Projecting your fears and grievances onto your partner, attributing imaginary faults to them.
- Seeking advice from people who aggravate the situation or pretend to be well-wishers.
Now, let’s consider seven effective ways to resolve a conflict:
- Method 1. Allow the other person to speak. Do not interrupt. Often, our inability to listen lies at the root of most conflicts. A flood of words and emotions can hide the real reason for misunderstanding. If you truly want to resolve things peacefully, ask your spouse or child to explain what they disagree with and why. Listen carefully. The issue may not even be about you—it could be about work or school stress.
Case: One day, Katie had a terrible day at work and lost a significant amount of money. She didn’t tell her husband, not wanting to disturb him. When they met in the evening, Robert was upset and angry, leading to a quarrel. Suddenly, he shouted, "I am so fed up with you, women!" Cathy fell silent, realizing she wasn't the real source of his frustration. She listened carefully and discovered Robert had clashed with his female director and was anxious all day. They talked all night over tea, and the conflict was resolved. - Method 2. Try the “future forecast” to prevent conflict. There are always quiet moments before things escalate. Use them. Imagine how the argument might unfold in ten minutes or in a week. Consider all the possible negative consequences for your family: harsh words, angry looks, tense silence, and a negative atmosphere. Ask yourself, is it worth it?
Advice:
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- Method 3. Never get personal, regardless of your anger. Do not allow yourself to insult or humiliate the other person. You may make peace, but hurtful words are not easily forgotten. They inflict wounds on the soul and resurface in future arguments.
Important! Arguments and insults are especially harmful when children are present. This impacts their mental health and their future relationships. Remember, you are a role model for your children, and a lack of respect between adults undermines parental authority. - Method 4. Take a break. Sometimes, to avoid making things worse or saying something you'll regret, a change of scene is enough. Do not make a scene; simply excuse yourself politely—say you have to go to the store, for example—and leave the area of the argument. Take a walk. When you’ve cooled down, your partner might have as well. If you still need to talk, do it calmly.
- Method 5. Don’t try to change someone. Many family conflicts stem from attempting to change a partner or child. Remember, people change only if they want to. Trying to force change just fosters resistance. If it’s with your spouse, ask yourself if you can accept it. If so, calmly explain your discomfort and move on. If not, reconsider the relationship.
If it’s about your child, remember they are individuals with their own rights and perspectives. Pushing them can breed resentment or cause them to withdraw. - Method 6. Change the way you communicate. If every discussion turns into an argument, try writing a letter outlining your thoughts respectfully, and ask your partner to respond in writing too.
An interesting fact. Psychologists recommend changing the scene. Familiar settings encourage familiar (often unhelpful) behaviors. Trying a new place, like a café, can encourage openness and fresh thinking, helping you reach the right decision together. - Method 7. Visit a marriage counselor. If your conflict is ongoing and you feel stuck, consider seeing a professional. This should be a joint decision. If children are involved, attend counseling as a family.