How to Help Your Child Make Friends at a New School
Joining a new group is always intimidating. In these situations, kids aren't the only ones who experience uncertainty—adults feel it too. For example, when changing jobs or moving to another city, we often fear joining a company where newcomers are not warmly welcomed. For a child, not only must they join a new group, but they must also try to make friends with peers. The first weeks in a new class are often the most challenging.Children who already form close-knit groups of friends are usually cautious or even unwelcoming to newcomers. The new student may worry: "How will I fit in? Will they accept me? Will I become an insider?" In such cases, your child needs your support more than ever. It's important to set a positive mood so your child feels confident, not withdrawn.
How can you help your son or daughter cope with the inevitable stress of joining a new group?
Tip 1. Choose the Best Time of Year to Transfer Schools
If possible, the ideal time to change schools is in September, when all children are adjusting to the school routine after summer break. With everyone starting fresh and getting to know each other, it will be much easier for your child to blend in.
You'll help your child feel more prepared for the change if you visit the school together first, meet the teachers, show them their new classroom, and perhaps introduce your child to a future classmate with the help of the teacher. Talk to the teaching staff about your child's potential challenges and describe their character, strengths, and weaknesses. If the school has an online group, encourage your child to join so they can start connecting with future classmates.
Tip 2. Consider Your Child’s Age When Moving Schools
Emotionally, changing schools is easier for children in primary school. To make the transition smoother, support your child in all their efforts and praise each success instead of comparing them to classmates. Comparisons can make it harder for your child to adapt.
At this young age, making friends is often easier—hosting a fun class party at your home can help break the ice. Socializing outside of school allows classmates to bond over shared interests beyond academics.
Changing schools during secondary school can be more challenging, as this is when children begin to assert their independence. If a transfer is unavoidable, don’t pressure your teen to immediately dive into school life or expect instant improvement in grades.
Emphasize the benefits of the move—perhaps your child will gain better knowledge that will support their growing independence. If your child is hesitant because they’ll miss old friends, reassure them that they can maintain old friendships and still make new ones.
Remind them often, and in secondary school, discuss the move as equals. Talk through the pros and cons, discover what opportunities the new school offers, and plan the transition together. Be open about why the change is happening. Your support and involvement in extracurricular activities can help your child reduce stress during this period. A busy routine leaves less room for worry.
Tip 3. Provide the Right Support
During this change, parents greatly influence their child’s emotional state. If you stress about how hard or unfair it is to switch schools in front of your child, they’ll fear the change even more.
Your child may start seeing the new school as a hostile place. Discuss the move openly but stay calm and confident, so your child understands your calmness comes from your belief in their success. On the first day, stay positive and avoid overwhelming your child with advice—this helps them feel more at ease.
Tip 4. Communicate to Prevent Classroom Conflicts
Entering a new classroom, your child faces an established social system. Newcomers often start at the bottom of the hierarchy. To avoid conflicts, explain the rules and norms of the new environment. To better understand classroom dynamics and potential bullying, attend parent meetings, talk to the teacher, connect with other parents, and, most importantly, communicate regularly with your child.
Be your child’s friend and help them identify key people in the new class. Teach them that relationships should be based on mutual respect—not physical dominance. This nurtures strong, lasting friendships. However, don’t pressure your child with questions about school. Use stories from books or films to prompt discussion, encourage questions, listen carefully, and always be supportive.
In secondary school, children often value their teacher’s opinion. If the teacher encourages the class to welcome the new student, the class is more likely to accept them. Meeting the teacher beforehand and building a relationship can be key.
The class social structure is usually set between grades 5 to 8, with leaders and outsiders emerging. Once formed, the newcomer’s acceptance depends more on student leaders than teachers.
The following factors will help your child adapt:
- Self-sufficiency. If your child is independent for their age, comfortable communicating, and can stand up for themselves, they'll do well.
- Trusting relationships with parents.
- Achievements in sports or other activities.
- Friends outside school: childhood friends, classmates from clubs, courses, or sports teams.
How can parents know what is really happening at school?
Life changes are always stressful for both adults and children. Adolescents are especially vulnerable. That’s why parents should pay close attention and provide as much support as possible.
Signs your child feels comfortable in the new group:
- They look forward to school.
- They stay after classes to spend time with classmates and talk about them at home.
- They invite friends over, and you’ve already met some of them.
- They communicate with classmates on social media.
- They come home in a low mood, perhaps with red eyes from crying.
- They avoid talking about classmates.
- They make excuses to avoid school, even if their grades are good.
- Another sign of problems fitting in is worsening of chronic health issues, such as dermatitis or asthma, which can have psychosomatic causes. A child’s refusal to go to school may show up in these ways.
Advice:
Your child’s future social life and ability to build relationships strongly depends on how successfully they adapt to a new group. Of course, you want to help your child make friends in their new class. Our Parenting Mentor Test will help you determine if your child struggles with shyness, low self-esteem, or difficulties making friends—providing timely recommendations on helping your child communicate, build resilience, and get the support they need during this challenging time.
One last thing: a child who communicates well will easily form positive relationships with new people. That’s why high schoolers benefit from learning practical psychology skills. If your child understands people and acts appropriately, they'll fit in anywhere. If, after 2.5–3 months, your child is still unhappy at their new school, you should consult a specialist.