How to Make Your Toddler Stop Screaming and Shouting: 6 Effective Techniques
Crying in children can have many causes. To effectively stop and calm your child, try to understand why your child is crying. Below you'll find both universal ways to stop crying and calm your child, as well as specific approaches for particular types of crying.- Teach your child to speak, not to cry. Explain to your child that crying is not helpful because it's hard for others to understand him or her. Say things like, “I see you’re crying. Please tell me what happened. I can’t understand anything when you cry like that,” or “Try to calm down and explain what happened. I’m here with you.” This way, you show your child that you don’t ignore their call for help—even if it comes through crying—but you want to understand what's wrong. You can only do that if your child talks calmly. The decision to stop crying doesn't depend only on you; crying makes things harder to understand.
- Don’t pity or blame, but help! Responding to your child’s crying with pity like, “Oh, you poor thing, that must hurt!” will only make the crying worse. Instead, help your child. For example, if your child has fallen, come up with a little ritual to distract them from the pain, such as gently kissing or blowing on the bruise, dusting off their clothes, or putting on a bandage.
Yelling at a crying child is pointless and even harmful. Questions like, “Where were you looking?” or “I told you to stay away!” may scare your child or show them that the adult, who should be a source of support, is actually unstable and unable to help. No matter how upset you are, stay calm and quiet until your child settles down. - ‘Cover’ your child with your presence. If your child is truly upset because something painful or scary happened, they need your protection and support. Hug your child gently, but firmly—as if wrapping them in a blanket. This is especially important if you are also scared or worried. In your strong embrace, your child will not sense your own anxiety.
- Regulate your breathing together. Calming your child's breathing is vital for emotional balance. Once you’ve hugged your child, let them feel your deep, slow, and steady breaths. Gradually, your child's breathing will synchronize with yours and slow down. Gentle rocking and rhythmic strokes on the back can help as well.
Advice:
Does your child feel secure around you? Take our unique Parenting Mentor Test to find out. At the end, you'll receive a detailed analysis of your relationship and personalized guidance to help you become a more confident parent. - Calmly ask what happened. Encourage your child—not others—to tell you what happened. If your child still can’t put it into words, keep trying to understand. Let your child show or indicate what happened in their own way. For example, your child may lead you to the scene, or act out what occurred. This helps the child focus on describing the situation, which helps them regain composure and reduces crying.
- Describe what happened yourself. If your child can’t calm down or explain what happened, you can describe it for them. After hugging and reassuring your child, say something like: “You were running, and then a dog ran out and barked. You got scared and started to cry.” Use only facts—avoid saying things like “careless” or “painful.” Sometimes, your child may start crying again as they process the event. This is okay; the better your child works through the experience, the sooner they will recover. If difficult emotions aren’t fully addressed, your child may revisit them later—crying at night, telling others, or acting it out in drawings.
- Dealing with fake crying? Don’t make eye contact, but show love. Not all tears are genuine. From around one year old, children may use crying to get attention. When your child’s crying isn’t sincere, avoid emotional involvement and direct eye contact. Don’t accuse your child of manipulation. Instead, gently stroke their head or shoulder. Within about 10 minutes, if attention-seeking was the motive, the crying should subside.
Advice:
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