How to teach a toddler not to hit adults
Every person goes through several stages of growing up. The toddler stage (from 1 to 3 years) is just as important as the teenage years. Toddlers often rebel and seek independence. A child moves from infancy to greater awareness, facing the world of adults and trying to understand it. From one to three years old, a child learns to walk, speak, and interact with others, making many new discoveries.At this age, toddlers are often mischievous because they haven't developed a sense of shame yet. They may see punishment as a game. Why do toddlers sometimes hit others, including adults? Because they cannot yet distinguish right from wrong. When a toddler hits you, they observe your emotional reaction and begin exploring emotions. What should you do when aggressive behavior becomes ongoing instead of occasional? How can we teach toddlers not to hit people around them? We'll explore that in this article.
Advice:
To better understand why your child may hit you or other adults, we suggest you take our unique Parenting Mentor Test now. The results will help you learn how to prevent your child from hitting and guide their energy in a positive direction.
Let’s look into reasons why a toddler may behave aggressively and how to guide their energy toward more peaceful actions.
- Excess energy. Toddlers can have endless energy and find it hard to stay still. Signs your child can't manage their energy may include kicking, jolting, squeezing hugs, or rough kisses.
What to do? Offer positive alternatives such as active games, dancing, pillow fights, ball games, or creative activities. Any physical activity helps toddlers release excess energy without hurting anyone. - Suppressing emotions. If you forbid your child from expressing strong emotions, they may become aggressive as they aren’t able yet to manage their feelings. They need to release negative emotions somehow.
What to do? If your child is upset, allow them to express their feelings. It's natural for children to feel sad or frustrated sometimes. Without this experience, unwanted behaviors may arise, like pushing peers or hitting family members. - Lack of boundaries. Allowing your child to do whatever they want, without setting limits or consequences, can lead to aggressive behavior. Children feel safest with clear rules. Without boundaries, toddlers may feel insecure or restless.
What to do? Set clear rules about acceptable behavior and explain why certain actions are not allowed, such as hitting pets or siblings. - Overly strict upbringing. Too many rules and constant restrictions can backfire. Children ages 1 to 3 cannot understand or follow every rule. Constant punishments can provoke aggression.
What to do? Allow your child to do things that are safe for them and others. Endless restrictions make forbidden actions more tempting. For example, if you forbid your toddler to touch matches, the curiosity may grow. Instead, show them safely how a match works and supervise closely so they won't get hurt. - Copying behavior. If you notice aggressive behavior, family dynamics may be a factor. Children model what they see at home. This doesn’t necessarily mean physical violence—arguments, shouting, or blaming can also be imitated.
What to do? Avoid exposing your child to traumatic or negative situations. Show respect for each other. Remember, your child learns from your example, so create a positive and respectful environment. - Mirror effect. Children sense their mother’s emotions due to a strong bond. If a mother hides stress or exhaustion, the child may act out aggressively towards other family members.
What to do? Reduce negative factors in your life. If you can’t manage your worries alone, seek help from a psychologist. Balancing your emotional wellbeing will positively impact your child. - Physical punishment. Physical discipline negatively affects a child's emotional health and rarely delivers the desired result. Children may retaliate against peers or adults, not understanding why it's acceptable for adults to hit them but not vice versa.
What to do? Avoid physical punishments. Use calm, formative conversations instead. Children need to hear reminders many times—up to 40—before they understand what not to do. - Exposure to violence on TV. Children may imitate behavior seen on screens, like fighting in action movies. Vivid, violent scenes can be very influential. Your child may act out as a superhero or villain.
What to do? Monitor what your child watches on TV or online. Children under 3 should not view content with aggression or violence.