The impact of divorce on children's behavior problems and relationships

The impact of divorce on children's behavior problems and relationships

1. Withdrawal. Children with calm temperaments may respond to news of their parents' divorce with depression, isolation, and a reluctance to communicate with family or peers. They may feel guilty and believe they are at fault for the breakup, often blaming their perceived imperfections for their parents' arguments.
2. Anger is the most common reaction. Many children respond to divorce with anger, which may be directed at either parent, other family members, or even pets. In this state, the child blames those around them rather than themselves.
3. Sorrow. Sensitive children can be deeply affected by their parents’ separation, increasing their tearfulness and emotional sensitivity. They may be conflicted about who is to blame, sometimes blaming themselves or others, which can significantly affect their mental health.
4. Hatred. In the case of a particularly contentious divorce, children may align with the parent they view as the victim and develop strong negative feelings toward the other parent. This is especially true if one parent, such as the father, ceases contact, which can lead to a deep sense of resentment and loss.
5. Indifference is one of the most concerning reactions. A child may become indifferent to family events if they already feel neglected by parents who are preoccupied with conflict. In such situations, some children may even feel relieved by the divorce, hoping it brings an end to constant quarrels.

1. Disobedience is one of the most common consequences of divorce. During a family crisis, both adults and children lose stability. Children accustomed to certain family routines may become disobedient, refusing requests, rejecting meals, demanding specific foods, or resisting the clothes their parents choose for them.
2. Open aggression. Some children respond by showing aggression, such as fighting, biting, throwing objects, or using hurtful language, as a defense mechanism against a world that suddenly feels threatening and insecure.
3. Apathy. While aggression may be easier to address, a child who falls into apathy may need the support of a professional psychologist to help them recover and cope with the challenges they face.
4. Manipulation. Indifferent children may start to manipulate their parents, exploiting the lack of mutual understanding. Such behavior can include statements like, “If you don’t buy me this, I’ll go live with Dad,” or, “I’ll say you hurt me unless you take me to the amusement park.” Professional help is often necessary in these cases.

1. Moral preparation. Discuss divorce in an abstract way—perhaps by talking about friends or fictional people. For example: “Katie’s parents divorced. What do you think about that? How should Katie’s mom and dad act? What do you think Katie feels?” These conversations can help you anticipate your child’s reaction when your own divorce is revealed.
   
   You can also share your views, such as, “Katie’s mom is a good person, but she can’t find common ground with Katie’s dad, which leads to conflict,” or, “Katie’s dad is focused on his career, but Katie’s mom misses his attention.” This approach helps children understand the various reasons adults may separate.
2. Adjust explanations based on the child’s age. When discussing divorce, avoid hurtful or negative statements about either parent. Never turn your child against the other parent. The child’s age will affect how much they can understand; the older the child, the easier it is to find common ground and provide reassurance.
3. How to deliver the news about your divorce? Many parents mistakenly believe that bluntly announcing the divorce in a formal setting is best. In reality, this can be traumatic for the child. Instead, provide gentle, ongoing moral preparation. Children pick up on discussions of divorce, and these conversations help them anticipate and emotionally prepare for the news.
   
   When the time comes to talk, choose a moment when your child is in a good mood. Avoid making the conversation a big event. Ideally, each parent should have a private discussion with the child. For example, the mother might say, “Tony, you’ve probably noticed that your dad and I aren’t getting along. We tried to keep our love, but it faded. I care about your dad, and he cares about me, so we decided it’s best to get divorced.”
   
   After hearing from one parent, the second should talk to the child later, reassuring them of their unconditional love. For example, “Tony, you know I love you very much. Even though we’ll live separately, you will always be my beloved son and I’ll always be your father. We’ll still spend time together.”
4. Behave appropriately in front of children during the divorce process. Divorce proceedings often involve children. Regardless of the circumstances, parents should strive to remain calm and avoid exposing their children to conflict or provocations from the other parent.
5. Post-divorce period. New family situations should not disrupt parental responsibilities. Even if a parent lives far away, they should continue to stay in touch, visit their children, invite them over, share outings, and celebrate birthdays together. Maintaining strong connections will help the child avoid feeling abandoned.