Kids with Temper Problems – When a Child Gets Angry or Upset Easily. Emotional Outbursts
Irritability and nervousness are problems that shouldn’t be ignored. You should understand their causes, try to address them if possible, or at least be aware of your child's emotional “Achilles’ heel.”
Causes of excessive emotionality in children, bordering on nervousness, can include family conflicts, parental divorce, or situations where parents try to fulfill their unrealized ambitions through their children (for example, “I’ll make you a great musician/writer/scientist” or “I’ll raise a real man”). Emotional outbursts are most common between the ages of 2 and 4. Often, children who struggle with speech or have difficulty expressing their thoughts and desires are more emotional. The inability to express feelings can push children to sudden outbursts of aggression or tears.If a child can understand the reasons behind their emotions, it becomes easier for them to cope with these feelings. Adults sometimes forget that children only learn to recognize the causes of strong emotions as they grow older. Often, children do not realize why they feel sad to the point of tears or want to break things in anger.
- A step toward “healing” is helping the child discover the causes of irritation and consciously express their emotions. After every emotional outburst, whether it’s tears or a tantrum, wait for a calm moment and ask your child what happened before they became upset. You might be surprised — the true reason may be different from what the child said during their emotional crisis.
For example: Your child may have been upset about leaving a group of guests, not because you didn’t buy a toy at the supermarket. Or your daughter might have felt distressed that her dad left for work quickly in the morning, not because she was served the “wrong type” of porridge.
For teenagers, you can suggest that they make a list of “unbearable” situations, such as “I can’t defend my point of view,” “Relatives ask if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend,” or “New acquaintances ask about my facial scars,” etc. - Do not demand instant obedience from a child who is prone to emotional outbursts, regardless of their age.
Expecting unconscious, instant compliance can trigger a nervous reaction.
For example: Say to a 5-year-old in the supermarket, “Please put the toy back.” Then wait. If you demand immediate obedience, it could go two ways: the child may have an immediate nervous reaction, or, by complying unconsciously, irritation will build up and could emerge as an outburst later.
Teenagers should also act consciously rather than just obeying their parents’ will. For example, parents might prohibit a 15-year-old girl from wearing a short skirt to a party, deeming it inappropriate. She complies without protest, but goes to the party annoyed. In such cases, teens need time to decide whether they want to change their clothes and makeup or express their disagreement. Any choice is fine, as long as it's made consciously and thoughtfully.
Advice:
If you want to assess your child’s emotional sensitivity, take our psychological Parenting Mentor Test. By answering the questions, you’ll receive a professional analysis of your relationship with your child, including insights into the strengths and weaknesses of everyone involved. Our effective advice will help you respond appropriately to challenging situations and foster a strong, healthy personality in your child.
What should you avoid if your child is emotional and irritable:
- Don’t use threats or manipulation to stop a nervous breakdown. Instead, stay near, show empathy, offer water, gently touch your child, ask what would help, or, if you are losing patience, drink some water yourself and count silently to twelve.
- Don’t discuss the reason for the tantrum during the emotional episode. First, this often isn’t the actual reason; second, it teaches that communicating through shouting or tears is not effective or appropriate.
- Don’t scold a child for emotional outbursts or anxious behaviors. Don’t shame a child who bites their nails (“Ugh, that’s awful!”), hit their hands, or mock stuttering or enuresis. Ensure your child doesn’t hear comments like, “No one will want to be friends with you if you’re so naughty or cry like this!” Shaming and undermining self-confidence only hinder your child’s emotional stability.
- Avoid comparing your child to others, even when praising them. Don’t say, “But you could do better,” after acknowledging their improvement.
- Don’t nitpick over minor issues. Avoid comments like “Sit up straight,” “Eat more carefully,” “Don’t shout or run,” or “You put your hat on wrong.” Even small nagging can increase anxiety and nervousness, preventing children from relaxing and feeling safe. Try letting your child sit, eat, and walk as they like. You may have to put up with a crooked hat or scarf, but it’s worth it for their sense of security.
- Don’t criticize, instruct, or discipline a child in public. This can be humiliating for sensitive children, even though they may not be able to articulate why it feels so bad.
Emotional outbursts often accompany developmental stages or “crises.” With careful attention and consistent parenting, these episodes typically decrease over time.
You should consult a specialist if your child’s outbursts are accompanied by nightmares, bedwetting, stuttering, or tics.
Advice:
You should consult a specialist if your child’s outbursts are accompanied by nightmares, bedwetting, stuttering, or tics.