My child is screaming for no apparent reason. Why do children (toddlers) cry?
Every child’s behavior has a reason. If it seems to you that your child is screaming for no reason, it simply means you haven’t discovered the cause yet.A child’s cry has a wide range of tones and meanings. It may be genuine, dishonest, or even feigned.
Pediatricians and child psychologists say that in the first months of life, babies always cry sincerely. They cry because they are wet, uncomfortable, in pain, thirsty, hungry, or tired. Crying is their way of calling and hurrying adults to help them in uncomfortable situations. By the age of 2–3 months, babies start to express their needs with different types of cries: for example, the cry to be held sounds different from the hunger cry. The first is more whining, the second is more urgent.
We can identify three types of crying in children over one year old:
- Crying – asking for help
- Crying – manipulation
- Crying – suffering
Children cry for help not only when they are hurt, but also when they are scared or confused. For example, a child might cry because they were dressed in a jumpsuit when they weren’t expecting it, or if their hands get dirty with mud, paint, or sand. It doesn’t hurt and they aren’t being punished, but the unfamiliar experience feels threatening. In these cases, explain to your child what is happening, or better yet, inform them in advance: “Now we’re going to put on a new jumper, it might make some noise, and then we’ll go outside where it’ll be warm.”
How adults respond to a baby’s crying for help determines the child’s future behavior in similar situations. Crying for help does not require adults to respond with pity. The child wants help coping with pain, fear, or confusion—not to be pitied. If adults consistently respond with comments like, “Oh, my poor baby, that must have hurt!” or “What a bad table, it hurt our girl,” the child may learn to use tears to manipulate adults. Eventually, the role of victim may become ingrained, making it difficult to tell when a child is really upset or simply acting.
Crying – manipulation. Often, this kind of crying does not involve tears. The child may scream loudly or whine for a long time, but the eyes are usually dry. Another sign of manipulative crying is how quickly and often the child begins to scream—because it’s the sound that adults find hard to ignore.
What is the purpose?
Children may use crying and screaming to manipulate for several reasons:
- To get attention
Sometimes the child feels unnoticed and looks for any way to be acknowledged. Or, the child might believe they are loved only when they receive their parents’ full attention. That’s why it’s important to give your child a gentle touch or hug, even when you’re talking to others or on the phone. - To exert control
A child may use crying to try and assert authority over parents, especially if they don’t see their parents as authoritative figures. In these situations, it’s important for parents to honestly assess the situation and take steps to strengthen their authority.
Advice:
If you’re struggling to understand your relationship with your child, or feel desperate, try our psychological Parenting Mentor Test. By answering a few questions, you’ll receive a description of your parenting style and recommendations for making your methods more effective.
- For revenge
If adults often demonstrate superiority over a child or belittle them—saying things like “You’re too little for this!” or “Grow up, then you’ll know!” or “You cause so much trouble!”—the child may start to seek revenge, feeling despair and hostility. Crying can become a tool for revenge.
In these cases, parents should stop using such language and try to understand why the child feels vengeful. Usually, improving the child’s self-esteem is the next step. - To avoid punishment
If you frequently scold or threaten punishment for accidental mistakes (like a broken plate or spilled juice), the child may learn to cry to avoid criticism or punishment. Be more tolerant of minor accidents—making mistakes helps children develop skills for the future.
A key sign of suffering cries is that they sound the same no matter which adult is present. In contrast, cries for help or for manipulation are often different depending on whether the child is with mom, dad, or grandma.
A child’s crying is a natural process that parents don’t always enjoy. By understanding what’s behind your child’s cries, you’ll be better able to respond appropriately and support their emotional development.