Parenting Mistakes: Practical Tips to Become a Better Parent
Mistakes made by parents during a child's upbringing can impact many aspects of that child's life over time. Of course, everyone has their own approach: some parents base their methods on the advice of their own mothers and fathers, some prefer to follow psychologists' recommendations, while others believe they don't need outside input. However, no parent is immune to making mistakes while raising their children. Below, we present some of the most common mistakes made by mothers and fathers.Advice:
Parental mistakes during the process of raising children are often the starting point for issues in adulthood. To avoid complicating your child's future, we recommend taking our unique Parenting Mentor Test. After completing the test, you will learn how to eliminate the most common parental mistakes that may have crept into your parenting style and get tailored tips on improving your relationship with your child.
Mistake No. 1: Threatening the Child
Parents often resort to intimidation, threats, or accusations, mistakenly believing these methods motivate children to succeed. But is this the right approach? Not every child can overcome the fear of punishment or failure, and such tactics can lead them to struggle with fear of failure as adults.
As adults, these children often doubt themselves, lack initiative, and fear independent action. This doesn't mean your child should get away with everything—far from it. It's important to explain where their mistake was and help guide them toward the right path, without using violence (physical or psychological).
Mistake No. 2: Inconsistency in Words and Actions
If parents allow more when in a good mood but less when in a bad mood, they will at minimum confuse their child. How can a child understand what is allowed and what isn't if parental mood changes throughout the day? Try to stay composed and be consistent in your beliefs. Additionally, if you make a decision regarding your child, be sure that everyone involved in raising the child is aware of it, including grandparents and other relatives.
If mom allows something and dad forbids it (or vice versa), the child learns how to play parents against each other to get what they want, and parents may quarrel more. Family unity and consistency will prevent the child from becoming confused and discourage them from testing boundaries in the future by trying to change your decisions.
Mistake No. 3: Unjustified Prohibitions
This mistake often leads children to hide their actions, unable to understand why something is forbidden. It's important to support every restriction with reasonable explanations so the child understands the reasons and learns their actions can sometimes harm themselves or others.
Don't give explanations mechanically. Make sure your child understands and accepts your reasoning. Answer questions if they want clarification, and let them express their views so you can be sure they've understood and agreed.
Mistake No. 4: Overprotection – Not Allowing Your Child to Take Risks
We live in a world of constant dangers, and naturally, we try our best to protect our children. However, psychologists suggest that children need experiences such as playing outdoors, falling, or getting scraped in order to build emotional resilience and maturity.
A child must fall a few times to realize it's not the end of the world. Teens need to experience setbacks, like losing a first love, to grow emotionally. If parents remove all risks from their child's life, this can lead to arrogance, selfishness, and low self-esteem later.
The long-term effects can be severe: communication breakdowns, lack of personal opinion, anxiety, and trouble living independently. Teach your child from an early age to handle challenges (from tying shoelaces to making art), to speak up, make decisions, and guide them gently in the right direction.
Mistake No. 5: Going to Extremes
Excessive strictness or indulgence isn't an effective parenting strategy. Strictness can breed stubbornness, insecurity, and irritability, while overindulgence can create selfishness and an inability to manage life's challenges.
Find a balanced approach: explain why a behavior was wrong, ensure serious misbehavior results in reasonable consequences, forgive minor mistakes, and avoid giving in to every whim.
Mistake No. 6: Rushing to Help the Child Too Quickly
Today's children sometimes lack skills that were common decades ago because parents tend to "help" with everything, thereby preventing independence and problem-solving skills from developing.
Eventually, children expect someone to always save them, but that isn't reality. This dependence makes adulthood harder. Observe if your child really needs help and offer it if needed, but don't solve problems for them. Be a discreet observer, not the actor in every scenario.
Mistake No. 7: Praising Achievements Too Easily
When praise comes too readily, children notice that only their parents think they're exceptional. They may become skeptical or even start exaggerating achievements to maintain approval, struggling later to face adversity.
Praise your child, but do so based on genuine achievement. Highlight specific actions rather than general personality traits. Let your child know exactly what they did well and why it matters. Example: "It’s impressive how you solved such a complex problem."
Mistake No. 8: Living Through Your Child’s Dreams
Some parents push their children to fulfill their own unrealized ambitions—be it dancing, sports, music, or career choices. Instead, focus on your child's passions and dreams. Support their interests and you’ll foster trust and success.
Otherwise, the child may grow to resent their activities or hide key aspects of themselves from you, harming their well-being and your relationship.
Mistake No. 9: Not Sharing Your Own Mistakes
There will come a time when a teenager wants independence and new experiences. As adults, we should allow this, but we can also offer guidance based on our own mistakes—without lecturing, as teenagers often tune out such advice.
Prepare children for reality and help them take responsibility for their actions. Share similar experiences and lessons learned.
Try to see yourself through your child’s eyes occasionally—this can help build understanding and closeness, showing that parents can be supportive friends as well as authority figures.
Mistake No. 10: Not Giving Enough Attention
Today, both parents often must work to support the family, but it's wrong to use money to replace actual attention. Spend time with your child, listen to their problems, and offer help. Show love and affection genuinely, not as an obligation.
Mistake No. 11: Not Practicing What You Preach
A major parenting mistake is telling children one thing while doing another. Remember, parents are a child's first and most important role model. To teach good values, your actions should align with your words.
Your responsibility is to help your child develop a positive life model, where they take responsibility for their own words and actions. Remember the English proverb: “Don’t teach your children, they’ll still be like you. Teach yourself.”