Rebuilding Trust with Your Child: How to Mend and Repair a Broken Relationship with Your Son or Daughter
It is never too late to improve a difficult situation, no matter how far conflicts between parents and children have gone. The bond between children and parents is one of the strongest, and by resolving problems in this area, you will make your family's future brighter and more joyful.Start with simple but effective methods:
Show love:
- Say “I love you” and respond to words of love. Of course, words alone are not enough to convince someone of your love. But spoken at the right time and supported by other ways of expressing love, they will warm your child's heart. If your child approaches you with sweet words like, “Mommy / Daddy, I love you so much,” respond warmly, confirming that you also love and appreciate them. Avoid bringing up past arguments or misbehavior in these moments—such as, “Is this your love, like when you painted on the wallpaper yesterday?” Comments like that spoil genuine moments and your child will feel less comfortable expressing love in the future.
- Show love and tenderness through touch. If hugs, kisses, and gentle touches haven’t been common in your family, don’t suddenly overwhelm your child with physical affection. Start by creating traditions: hug or kiss your child when meeting and saying “goodbye,” such as when dropping them off at kindergarten or school. If your child is upset, comfort them with your presence and a hug. When things are calm, occasionally approach your child with a gentle touch on the shoulder or a pat on the head.
It’s also important to respect your child’s feelings. If they don’t want a hug, don’t insist or feel hurt; that’s their right. Try again another time or in a different way. - Convey your feelings through eye contact. Many words, even unpleasant ones, can take on a new meaning if said while looking lovingly into your child’s eyes. Try using eye contact to communicate love, especially during tense moments. You might be surprised by the effect—your child may be more open and less resistant. Even if they don’t immediately do what you want, at least they’ll feel understood. If they are holding onto hurt or anger, tears may come. Let them release their feelings; your child may open up about what’s really bothering them or simply become calmer and more flexible.
- Spend quality time together. The most valuable gift you can give your child is your time and attention, spent joyfully together. Set aside at least 30 minutes a day to spend quality time with your child, without distractions like TV, phones, or newspapers. Play their favorite games (board games, building blocks, playing "shop," football, etc.), listen and share thoughts about music you both like, or take nature walks together. Preparing a favorite meal together is another great bonding activity. Ask your child about their favorite dishes and cook together.
Advice:
If you haven’t been able to establish a good relationship with your child, take our psychological Parenting Mentor Test. After completing it, you’ll receive a detailed description of your relationship and personalized recommendations to help you get closer to your child.
Your speech: Positive messages instead of negative ones
This requires self-awareness and self-critique. Pay attention to your speech habits. Identify negative phrases and try to rephrase them positively. Instead of “Don’t step in the puddle!”, say:
“Please look for dry places!” Instead of “It’s dangerous there—get down!”, say “It’s safer to hold onto the handrail!” and so on.
Also, eliminate phrases like “You always mess things up / are late / get sick!” and similar expressions.
Your child should never feel like they’re a problem in your life. Otherwise, they may stop trying to improve or please their parents.
Be genuinely interested in your child’s life: their activities, mood, plans, names of friends, favorite stories, cartoons, music, and more. Remember their answers. It’s much easier for a child to share about their day if you know, for example, the names of their friends from kindergarten or school. Compare: “How was your day?” with “What did you play with Kevin today?” The latter often gets a more detailed response.
Support your child’s interests and self-expression
Remember what your child enjoys—drawing, singing, dancing, or maybe photography—and help encourage their hobbies, regardless of your opinion of their talent. The important thing is that your child enjoys it, not whether you do!
If your teen is a writer, help them connect with the local newspaper. A tough boy who loves photography will appreciate it if you frame one of his photos and hang it in your office. Young children will enthusiastically tell you about their courses in floristry, robotics, or crafts. Support them in the pursuits that truly interest them, not what interests you.