Should Parents Be Friends with Their Children? Pros and Cons of Being Your Daughter or Son’s Best Friend
A parent is the leader in the relationship with a child. Parents meet their child's immediate needs, and the child naturally depends on them. As they grow older, the parent continues to lead, guide, and help, but in a more subtle way. At the same time, the child should always feel free to seek help and support from their parent.If a family has adopted a democratic approach and the child becomes a "friend" to their parents, then during moments of crisis, the child may take on a dominant role. This can create challenges in upbringing. The child, now seen as the main person, may not seek advice or help. At such times, the child may resist authority and insist on doing things their own way.
Secondly, a "commanding" child may find it difficult to open up to their parents when distressed, anxious, or afraid. A child is more likely to share weaknesses and problems with someone they trust and who holds authority. Without this, internal tension can build, making the child anxious. Such children may become ill more often or show more complex, "deviant" behaviors.
Democratic approaches can bring good results if parents acknowledge that their previous methods aren’t working, that criticism and lecturing only worsen the situation, and that their parental authority is diminishing.
Moreover, if parents lead healthy, harmonious lives, free from conflict, then the main influence on the child becomes the parent’s own positive example, which works well in the context of "friendly" democratic relationships.
- A child needs to feel that they have support and a close person who cares for them, knows what is best, and helps guide their learning about what is good or bad. In these circumstances, a child develops emotional stability and can use their energy to learn and explore the world, rather than worry: "Is everything okay with me? Is my environment safe?" Without authority, parents cannot reassure their child, so attempts to convince the child that they have a bright future may be ineffective.
Advice:
If you are still unsure about the upbringing model in your family, take our psychological Parenting Mentor Test. It reflects your current situation and evaluates your parenting strengths and weaknesses. You'll also receive tips to guide you in choosing the best strategy for raising your child, tailored to their unique personality.
It is impossible to have entirely equal, friendly relationships with a child, because:
- A child confides in their parent as someone strong, not the other way around
It's impossible to explain to an infant why things must happen a certain way. They don't understand why they're not fed on demand, why they suffer from wet diapers, or why they can't have everything they want. As children grow, parents begin teaching basic safety and social norms, but sometimes must enforce uncomfortable rules, especially during illness.
A child must have confidence in their parent’s wisdom and reliability; they need to trust that their parent’s actions are for their benefit. Some things can’t be explained right away—for example, why they must move away quickly from the stairs or not run up to an unfamiliar, unfriendly dog. These lessons are learned best when the child trusts the parent without resistance or criticism. - A child follows their parent, not the other way around
Children see their parents' lifestyle as the norm, accept their statements as truth, and emulate their behavior. Demanding respect or good behavior is futile if parents lose their temper or speak poorly of others in front of their child.
If a parent’s authority is weakened, the child may subconsciously follow their example, but consciously try to resist. This is especially clear during adolescence, when you might hear: “I’ll never be like you, mom/dad!”
When parents model healthy behavior and fulfill their role, it's natural for the child to want to grow up to be like their parents, to love what they love, and to be grateful for their parents' life experience and guidance. - Parents help their child cope with what is beyond their abilities, not the other way around
When a child faces tough times—age transitions, family quarrels, divorce, the arrival of siblings, changing schools, or first love—they need a reliable adult who understands what’s happening and can offer support.
A preschooler, for instance, needs guidance to recognize their feelings: anger, irritation, hurt, or sadness. A caring, attentive adult can help the child learn to cope with complex emotions and to care for both themselves and others.
A child, lacking experience and psychological maturity, cannot be expected to provide the same support to an adult. Placing this burden on them can harm their emotional development.