Steps to Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship with Your Child
Any healthy relationship is built on trust. Trust is easy to lose and incredibly hard to regain. Parents often wonder how to be open with their children and build a genuine, trusting bond. Trust brings peace of mind and is based on confidence in a loved one. How can you earn the trust of your child? How do you encourage your child to confide in you? Parents ask themselves these questions, sometimes when it may already feel too late and they struggle to regain lost trust, respect, and authority.First and foremost, try not to lose that trust. But if it has already been lost through mistakes in upbringing and loss of contact, how can it be restored? There’s no shortcut—only considerable effort and patience. Understand that it will take time, possibly months or more, and quick fixes or material gifts will not magically restore your child’s trust.
Therefore, patience, determination, self-control, and a clear vision of what rebuilt trust looks like will help you persevere through the challenges your child will inevitably present. This is completely natural—your child will test you to see if things have truly changed. Children need to feel certain that no matter what they do or say, their parent will remain supportive and won't revert to past mistakes.
Advice:
Modern life keeps parents busy at work while children often spend more time on their own, making it easy for family members to grow apart. We recommend taking our unique Parenting Mentor Test, which will help you reflect on your feelings and past parenting mistakes. The results will provide you with advice on how to understand your child, guide their behavior, rebuild communication, or restore lost trust.
Steps to Rebuild Your Child’s Trust
Step 1. Identify the True Causes
The first step in repairing lost trust is identifying the real reasons behind the breakdown in your relationship. This will shape your approach. For instance, maybe the parents are going through a divorce, a serious event happened, or they have to work long hours.
In such cases, children can suffer emotionally and may react with moodiness, negativity, or aggression. It’s important to remember that these behaviors have clear, recent causes. If possible, parents (sometimes with a psychologist’s help) can work to reduce the stress’s impact. Even small changes in parental behavior can lead to positive changes in the child.
On the other hand, some completely loving and caring parents may still have distant or conflict-filled relationships with their children. Efforts to be kinder or more patient may seem ineffective. In these situations, the child’s emotional state may have shifted so much they struggle to respond to positive emotions.
Worse, parents suffering from their child’s coldness or aggression may start to lose their ability to trust the child and feel close to them. At this point, seeking help from a psychologist can be very helpful. A third party may be needed to restore mutual understanding.
Step 2. Don’t Expect Problems to Fix Themselves
You might think, "It’s fine—time will pass, and my child will understand." Or, "Eventually, she’ll calm down, and we’ll get along." Relationships between parents and children that have been damaged in early childhood rarely improve on their own. Even if the child adapts to their parents, this is no substitute for genuine emotional closeness.
Step 3. Spend Quality Time Together
When a child lacks attention and affection, they may withdraw, become indifferent, or act out aggressively to get noticed. Both types of behavior can frustrate parents who believe they are doing all they can to provide for their child.
Ask yourself, "How much time do I truly spend with my child?" Most parents spend only one to three hours a day with school-aged children—at best! Studies show an average American spends less than an hour a week with their child. For healthy development, children ideally need five or more hours of positive engagement daily. Yet quality matters more than quantity; simply being together isn’t enough. Sharing experiences, positivity, and affection is essential.
Nothing builds trust more than shared activities—games, sports, or reading together. But don’t force your interests on your child. Ask what activities they’d enjoy instead. Otherwise, you might hear, "I don’t want you to read to me," or, "I’m too old for these games," or, "Let’s talk, but about what?"
Step 4. Show Love and Respect
Restoring trust means paying attention to your child’s mood and emotional needs. If your child is withdrawn or easily upset, work on improving their emotional well-being. Hug your child and express how much you value them as often as you can.
Support your child and show empathy when needed. Also, what do you discuss with them? Focusing only on school and grades may make a child feel your affection depends on academic success. Children least like to discuss school problems! Avoid school-related issues for a while. The key is for your child to trust you with their thoughts, fears, and troubles, regardless of their achievements at school. Show love and care, especially when they least expect it. Unexpected affection often means the most.
Step 5. Trust, but Verify
Negative attitudes toward a child can cause them to close off and confide in others instead—friends, classmates, or in the worst case, strangers. Teenagers with strained relationships at home may seek acceptance elsewhere, even in unhealthy groups. Studies show two in five teenagers feel misunderstood by adults, often becoming rebellious as a result.
This leads many parents to increase control, which can worsen the relationship and create a vicious cycle. Others might give up entirely, granting total freedom, which is equally risky. Even teenagers want to feel protected and cared for. The best advice for parents: "Trust, but verify." Otherwise, problems may arise.
Step 6. Begin by Changing Yourself
The responsibility for rebuilding trust lies mostly with the parents, who should take the initiative. Adults should first learn to manage their own emotions. It can be hard not to lose your temper, but if you act out, apologize sincerely afterward—admitting mistakes is a normal part of life. Trust will return if you honestly strive to change.
This is crucial for maintaining trust. To regain your child’s confidence, start by changing yourself if needed. Parents should avoid being negative role models. Children are quick to sense insincerity or hypocrisy. If a child discovers a parent lying, they’ll be more likely to lie in return.
Respect your child’s feelings and opinions. Never use hurtful language, even as a joke—nicknames or remarks can really sting. The older the child, the more painful these words can be. Avoid embarrassing your child in front of others, especially peers, as it can be deeply hurtful.