Teaching Conflict Resolution to Kids: 10 Examples of Resolving School Conflict
Every day as adults, we face many challenging tasks that require quick decisions. Interacting in society requires stress tolerance, flexibility, and wisdom. From childhood, we learn how to behave among others, and school is the primary period for developing these essential social skills. At school, children learn to communicate and work with each other, and conflicts frequently arise among classmates. But are conflicts as harmful as we often think?Let’s take a closer look at what conflict really is, and whether it can be beneficial. Conflict is a clash of differing interests and viewpoints. It can be either constructive or destructive.
- A conflict is considered constructive when both parties find the strength to competently resolve the difficult situation and learn something valuable from it. The main benefit is the positive experience of solving a conflict effectively.
- A conflict is considered destructive if the parties fail to reach a common solution or if they try to resolve the issue inappropriately, such as through aggression.
Advice:
In this article, we’ll share 10 ways you can help your child navigate conflict. To better understand your child’s experiences and find the right approach, we recommend taking our unique Parenting Mentor Test. After completing the test, you’ll receive valuable guidance from experienced psychologists that will make it much easier to support your child in resolving school conflicts.
To understand why your child might be struggling in class, it’s important to look at things at home. Sometimes, the root of the problem lies within the family. For example, if a child is used to being treated as a victim at home, they may continue to play that role at school. Changing schools won’t help unless the underlying difficulties are addressed. To help your child adapt to their peers, you’ll need to identify the causes of their challenges in communicating with classmates.
10 Ways to Help a Child Resolve School Conflict
First, identify what kind of conflict your child is experiencing. It could be a one-time disagreement, or something more serious, like ongoing bullying from classmates.
Conflict between peers is when both sides are equals. Such situations might arise from rivalry, crushes, or differing opinions. There can be many reasons. Should parents get involved when several children are arguing? Generally, no. Running to the school every time your child has a disagreement won’t help them learn independent problem-solving skills. Worse, they might start to rely on you to retaliate for them. Children must learn to handle conflicts themselves. However, this doesn’t mean you should step back entirely. Support your child with advice and a listening ear, so they know you’re there for them.Bullying is a form of repeated mistreatment that can happen at any age—at kindergarten, at school, or even at work. The most dangerous is school bullying, as children are less able to deal with it alone. If your child isn’t accepted in class and faces daily teasing, mocking, or exclusion, they need your urgent support. Signs of bullying include your child becoming withdrawn or irritable, refusing to talk about school, lacking friends in class, or coming home with unexplained bruises. If you notice any of these, act quickly to help!
How to Help Your Child Handle Conflict
- Talk with your children. Discuss the cause of the conflict with your child, and try to fully understand the situation without rushing to judgment. Your child needs to feel supported. Don’t make the common mistake of blindly believing everything your child says. Listen to both sides when possible. Many parents are convinced, “My child never lies,” but misunderstandings are common. Children may exaggerate or misinterpret events, not necessarily out of malice. For example, Jack might say Alex throws stones at him, but perhaps it was a small pebble, not a dangerous act.
- Talk to the teacher. If your child is withdrawn or unwilling to talk about what happens at school, reach out to the teacher. Sometimes, a phone call isn't enough—you may need to visit the school to better understand the situation.
- Avoid overprotection! If your child is teased because you’re too protective, consider adjusting your involvement. Keep caring, but avoid constant calls during class time, meeting them at the gate every day, or exerting excessive control. Allow them some independence.
- Don't be passive! If the situation is serious, for instance, if your child comes home with bruises, don’t hesitate to visit the school and talk directly with the children involved and their parents. Seek support from trusted teachers.
- Consider transferring schools. Sometimes, the only solution is to remove your child from a harmful environment. Bullying is dangerous—it damages confidence, lowers academic performance, and can have tragic consequences. If switching schools doesn’t help and the same issues arise, seek help from a psychologist right away. Professional therapy can provide effective solutions.
- Teach respect for others. Sometimes, bullying happens because a child unknowingly provokes conflict. Children who act either as aggressors or perpetual victims often struggle with acceptance. If your child thinks of themselves as better than others, explain the value of equality and that everyone has unique talents. Teach humility alongside encouragement.
- Explain that it's wrong to harm the weak. If your child is bullying others, don’t ignore it. Make it clear this behavior is unacceptable. Explain that just because someone is different doesn’t mean they are inferior. If your child provokes or bullies others, have a serious conversation about why this is not “cool” but actually a sign of weakness. Sometimes, inviting an excluded classmate for a visit can help, especially with younger children. With older students, resolving such conflicts is more complex.
- Encourage independence. For everyday disputes between classmates, let children handle disagreements themselves—as long as there’s no violence involved. Offer advice, but allow them to learn from experience. Constructive conflict can teach valuable life skills.
- Don’t project adult issues onto children’s conflicts. Parents often overestimate the seriousness of children’s disagreements, interpreting them through an adult lens. In many cases, kids make up and move on quickly, while parents hold grudges much longer.
- Always remain calm. If your child is mistreated by older students, you must intervene and involve teachers and parents of those involved. However, never respond with aggression. Address the matter calmly and constructively—modeling the very behavior you want your child to learn.