Teen theft: What to do when your teenager steals money from you
Adolescence is one of the most important, yet difficult, periods in a person’s life. Many parents become quite desperate when their children reach 12-13 years old, as they notice significant changes during this time. Of course, some teenagers continue to please adults during these transitional years, but most experience emotional and physical changes that affect their behavior.Often, once well-behaved boys and girls become bold, rude, and defiant. The growing child is trying to find their “place in the sun,” assert themselves, seek approval from classmates, act like an adult, and make decisions independently. In this phase, negative behaviors can appear, such as experimenting with alcohol, drugs, or even stealing valuable items or money. Suppose your teenager steals money—what should you do?
Advice:
Theft is not just wrongful behavior; it is a criminal offense. A young person risks ruining their future. We know you want to help your child, and our Parenting Mentor Test can help you understand the causes, motives, and provide timely recommendations so issues like theft can be avoided or stopped.
First, do not make a scene. Lecturing, condemning, or judging your teen’s character (rather than the deed) will not help. Be patient and tactful, with a sincere desire to understand and help—not to shame, scold, or stigmatize. Otherwise, you risk making things worse or losing your connection with your teenager. You also shouldn't pretend nothing happened—be sure to discuss the issue.
Do not pressure your teen, but ask them to talk when they feel ready, and make sure to have that conversation. This should happen when they are prepared and nothing distracts them. The key is to trust and respect their words. Ask why they needed the money, not to blame, but to genuinely understand what prompted the behavior. If your teenager confesses honestly, consider that a significant step forwards—your first conversation can end there. Next, ask what they wanted to prove or achieve by taking the money. If they have everything they need, the cause isn't simply about money.
Important! If your child steals, you must address it—but only when you are absolutely certain of the facts. Nothing is more hurtful than a false accusation. If unsure, stay silent and recheck the evidence. Talk to them only when you are certain, and the proof is clear.
If this is their first time stealing and it hasn’t become a habit, avoid labeling your teen a thief or predicting a criminal future. It's acceptable to express disappointment or shame if it feels honest and you don’t reiterate it daily.
Important! Do not bring up the theft if your child misbehaves in unrelated ways.
Teenage stealing is a tough situation, and the first step to improvement is understanding the reason behind it.
Let’s consider the main reasons:
- Seeking attention: If family members neglect the teen—due to parental divorce, constant busyness at work, etc.—sometimes the only way to get attention is through negative actions like stealing. Even if the reaction is negative, the teen receives attention, which may feel better than silence or distance.
What to do? While you shouldn't ignore the theft, focus more on restoring warmth and connection with your child. Even if your teenager doesn’t admit the theft, they’ll likely feel awkward or ashamed. - Buying peer approval: Your teen may try to use money to win friends, gain attention, or avoid bullying in their peer group.
What to do? Suggest healthy ways to connect with others, and explain that respect and friendship can’t be bought. Help your child find real friends, support their interests, and create a welcoming environment at home. If the bullying is severe, consult the school psychologist or consider transferring schools. Remember, teens often hide these problems, so assure them that you are willing and able to help. If your teen tries to show off or prove themselves to peers by stealing, this is a complex issue—you may need to seek help from a psychologist. - Theft as protest: If your teen feels controlled or treated unfairly, theft may be their form of protest or revenge.
What to do? Have an honest conversation and listen to your child’s concerns. Work together to create a family agreement that everyone follows. - Indifference or lack of respect: If your child is indifferent towards you, doesn't value authority, or acts with disrespect, stealing may indicate deeper issues. In this case, temporarily secure your valuables while you address the wider problem.
Here are some effective ways to handle teen theft if you want to prevent or stop such incidents:
- Be mindful where you keep money at home. Avoid easy access—do not tempt your child.
- Teach your teen about personal boundaries and property rights, and clarify which items can be shared or exchanged and which cannot.
- Set and stick to a regular schedule for giving pocket money.
- Create a scenario to help your child empathize—experiencing loss may help them understand the feelings of theft victims.
- Try to meet your teen's reasonable needs when possible (such as clothes or devices popular with peers). If you cannot afford an item right away, discuss goals, potential compromises, or encourage them to work towards it themselves.
- Avoid expressing negative attitudes about money or hard work, as these can influence your teen's values.
- In ongoing, serious cases, a drastic change—such as moving or changing social circles—might help. This can disrupt negative patterns and introduce positive influences.
- If nothing else works, and behavior persists, a visit from a juvenile affairs officer (without the teen knowing their parents arranged it) can have a strong effect. Uniformed officers can leave a lasting impression.