Teenage Conflict Scenarios and Resolution Strategies
Conflict is an inexhaustible topic—one of those perennial problems in human society. As long as people exist and society evolves, disputes that lead to conflict situations will continue to arise. Teenagers, in particular, often experience intrapersonal conflicts due to self-discovery, self-assertion, and self-realization—an age-related crisis that is among the most difficult and intense. Besides internal struggles, teenagers frequently face external situations that result in conflict. Arguments among teenagers are quite common. For some, these happen rarely; for others, conflict seems to be a daily event—sometimes because they aren't accepted by peers, or because they're reluctant to connect with others. What causes these conflicts?Advice:
Parents should recognize the unique aspects of adolescent behavior and better understand the issues their growing children face. Try our unique Parenting Mentor Test, which puts you in your child’s shoes and helps you find the right solutions to resolve your teen’s conflicts.
Important! Lack of parental attention often results from misunderstanding a growing child. This includes approaching teenagers with only mentoring, warnings, and persistent teaching, rather than developing supportive, trusting, and friendly relationships.
The desire to assert oneself at others’ expense. It’s vital for teenagers to feel respected and to be seen as equal to adults—admired for their skills, appearance, or material possessions. The need to be “the best” and the focus on building their own authority can turn a cooperative child into an aggressive and powerful young person. Typically, these teens have leadership qualities and easily form groups or entourages of peers who recognize their authority. If some children don't wish to join this group, they may face psychological pressure or even forceful conflict.
The child’s social status. Recent psychological studies show that teenagers from both socially disadvantaged backgrounds and affluent families tend to become involved in conflict. The former may feel deprived due to a lack of material resources, leading to inferiority complexes hidden beneath aggression. The latter, affluent children, suffer from a lack of attention and connection, compensated by money and leniency—often resulting in selfishness. Both groups may address their insecurities by dominating peers who are perceived as weaker or less fortunate. In both cases, adolescents may form social circles to target perceived opponents.
Being different. Children who stand out—whether they are quieter, more obedient, or struggle with self-confidence—are more likely to become targets of peer pressure or bullying. Visible differences, such as speech, vision, or other traits, can make children appear “strange” in the eyes of classmates, leading to exclusion, ridicule, gossip, or direct conflict. Without intervention, persistent aggression can cause deep unhappiness with lasting emotional consequences.
A conflict can arise between two teenagers. For example: at recess, a student—let’s call him John—is approached by an older student who asks to see his phone and then starts making calls without permission. This sparks a conflict situation.
To resolve the conflict, teenagers can use the following conflict resolution strategies:
- Cooperation. Both individuals actively defend their interests but aim to preserve a friendly relationship. The conflict is resolved positively for both. While time-consuming, this is the most effective and desirable resolution method in any disagreement.
- Example: The older student makes a call from John’s phone. John stops him, reminding him to ask for permission first. The older student returns the phone and then politely asks John if he may use it. John agrees and allows him to make the call—resolving the conflict completely.
- Compromise. Both parties assert their rights without diminishing the other's interests. Through concession and negotiation, they can reach a mutually satisfactory solution. Here, the underlying problem may remain, but both seek an immediate solution.
- Example: The older student starts making calls; John politely asks for his phone back. The older student insists that he needs to make an urgent call but forgot his phone at home. John agrees to lend him the phone, on the condition that the following day the older student lets John borrow his own phone. The conflict is resolved.
Avoiding the conflict. By choosing avoidance, the teenager does not assert themselves or their rights and does not work toward resolving the issue. However, over time—with more opportunities or information—or if the cause disappears naturally, the problem might resolve itself.
- Example: Instead of taking his phone back, John allows the older student to finish the call and then asks for it to be returned. He doesn't react negatively and even thanks the older student, seeking to avoid further conflict.
Adaptation. Here, the teenager does not defend their own interests but continues interacting with the other party to maintain friendly communication—even at personal cost.
- Example: John gives the phone to the older student without objection because he fears conflict. Even if the phone is not returned, he accepts it, hoping to avoid confrontation.
- If your teenager faces conflicts with peers or is frequently bullied, phrases like “Don’t pay attention” or “Don’t take it personally” are unlikely to help. They are unable to ignore such issues and suffer greatly. Avoid seeking someone to blame—blaming your child can make them feel misunderstood at home and worsen the situation. Blaming peers can push your child to withdraw further. Neither approach solves the problem.
- If your teen is very upset, first listen without rushing to give advice. Show them you empathize. Once your child is calm, you can discuss how to address the situation together. Encourage them to consider solutions and predict possible outcomes. Work through the conflict as a team—perhaps even role-play different scenarios. The key is not to impose your own plans. Only trust and openness can help you effectively support your teenager in resolving conflicts with peers. The most important thing is that your adolescent feels heard by you.