Top 10 Tips on How to Teach and Help Your Children Make Friends
You can assess whether your child has developed the skills to make friends and interact positively with peers by the time they reach senior kindergarten, around 5-6 years old. However, not all children need a large social circle—sometimes, having one or two peers they see once a week is enough for them to proudly say, “I have a friend!” But if you notice your child is always reserved around peers, eagerly watches other children play but doesn’t join in, or avoids contact when others are friendly, it’s time for you to help.- Neutralize disadvantages
Ask your child why they can’t or don’t want to approach others and play. Sometimes, children feel insecure because of obvious physical differences, such as scars, skin issues, hearing aids, or glasses. Your job is to turn negatives into positives to restore your child’s self-esteem. For younger children, you can use fairy tale therapy—create a story where a magical boy or girl with a similar difference finds good friends who value their kindness, helpfulness, bravery, and determination. For older children, emphasize that their differences are signs of courage and strength—a testament to having overcome challenges or trauma.
For easier-to-address issues, like untidiness, a runny nose, or ill-fitting clothes, pay attention to these as well. The cost of your child’s friendships is small compared to the joy it brings.
Advice:
If you’re unsure how to start helping your child become more confident and overcome painful insecurities, take our Parenting Mentor Test. This unique psychological test will help you better understand your child and their needs. You may simply need to adjust your parenting style, and Parenting Mentor Test will provide gentle recommendations for doing so. - Choose peers or slightly younger children
The secret is simple—when teaching your child companionship skills, they are more likely to have positive experiences with peers or slightly younger kids. These children tend to be more accepting, helping your child feel more confident. - Watching them play
Encourage or simply allow your child to observe peers at the playground or in other children’s groups, however long it takes. For shy or anxious kids, it may take a few days before they feel ready to join in. Don’t rush—your child will compare themselves to others, see the similarities, and feel less stressed over time. While watching, children learn game rules, ways to interact, and get used to the noise—especially important if your child is anxious. - Positive comments
Help your child embrace peer interactions. Focus on positive moments in games, and occasionally (2-3 times) praise children who bravely joined in or helped others—perhaps they lost a game but continued playing and interacting. However, don’t compare these children directly to your own, as it can worsen your child’s lack of confidence.
In time, your child may feel happy making their own encouraging comments to others, which will make entering social circles much easier. - Join the game during a pause
Teach your child that the best time to join a game is during a pause, such as when a stage ends and children are looking for new players. - Start with 1-2 children
Show your child how to join a group of kids they don’t know yet. It’s not necessary to befriend everyone in the game—just connecting with one or two others is a good start. Keep in mind that girls often act as great mediators, helping newcomers settle into the group. - Follow “etiquette”
It’s easier to join a group of playing children if the newcomer respects the unspoken “etiquette.”
For example, in team games like football or basketball, a new child will be more welcomed if they join the weaker team. Or, a child should ask permission before joining a game involving someone else’s toys, like LEGO or a kite.
This applies to girls, too: suggest your child offer to play with the owner and her toys, or bring their own to share or swap during play. - Rejection is not a problem
Teach your child to handle rejection calmly. If they’re upset, don’t scold them—stay close and empathize: “I understand it’s hard to be turned down. I’ve felt that way too.” Suggest they look for other friends to play with today or another time—but don’t respond with, “They’re mean! Let’s go home, you can play with your toys”—which can reinforce loneliness. - Start a game your child excels at
If your child struggles to start communication or doesn’t know the games others play, begin an activity in front of kids they want to befriend that your child enjoys and is good at—like drawing, building in the sand, or making paper airplanes. Engage others warmly but don’t insist they join immediately—give them a chance to watch and approach naturally. - Praise every attempt at socialization
Your child will feel more confident if you notice and praise their efforts—like saying hello to neighborhood kids, helping a younger child on the slide, inviting others to play, or having a friend over—even if your child isn’t always the main participant.