Top 6 Reasons Why Schoolchildren Lie and Steal
As children grow older, their tactics may become more sophisticated. Parents sometimes find themselves confronted with their children's lies or occasional theft. Should you punish, forgive, or ignore it? It's not an easy choice. To take the right approach and help children stop lying or stealing, you need to understand the root causes behind such behavior.- Falling Under Bad Influence
To fit in with a group, children can overstep boundaries. If your child is part of a group where theft or deceiving adults is seen as a "rite of passage," they may feel pressured to try stealing or lying themselves.
Don't rush to label them as a thief—it may only worsen the situation. Have an open conversation with your child. Try to explain that peers who encourage bad behavior do not have their best interests at heart. Give examples of respected people: a grandfather who values honesty, a coach who teaches strength and patience, or even an admired athlete or actor with integrity. Help diminish the influence of these new "friends."
If things escalate into serious trouble, such as criminal activity, consider changing schools or even moving homes. Combine this with patience and understanding. - Seeking Social Acceptance
Psychologists note that many children lie because they don't want to be labeled as a "tattletale" or because they feel loyalty to a friend or classmate. Children may claim not to have seen or known anything about another child's misbehavior to protect someone from punishment.
Often, children become more open if assured their honesty will remain confidential.
In these cases, avoid being too harsh—your child is acting with good intentions. However, explain that sometimes bad actions must be stopped and addressed. If they witness someone stealing, lying, or bullying, it’s important to help stop the harm before it goes further. - Defending Independence and Personal Boundaries
When a family uses an authoritarian parenting style or a child feels overprotected, they may want to assert their independence. This can be a form of rebellion against parental authority. The child may break rules or social norms learned since early childhood, such as "stealing and lying is wrong." This risk increases during adolescence, when it is crucial for teens to feel in control of their lives.
For example, if parents closely monitor a teen’s private life, the teen may begin lying, even if they hadn’t before, as a way of defending personal boundaries. - Filling a Void: Obtaining What Seems Unattainable
Sometimes, children steal or lie to obtain material things they deeply desire but are continually denied without clear reasons. For example, a child might start stealing money or items. Sometimes, when parents promise rewards—like a new gadget or skateboard—for good grades and the child can’t achieve them, they might falsify results or lie to get the promised reward.
At times, a younger child repeatedly steals the same types of objects, like a toy car, bright pencil sharpener, or flashlight. This can suggest unresolved pain from losing a similar beloved item in the past—whether it was lost, stolen, or taken away. The child may still feel guilt over the loss, especially if parents blamed them for it. - Seeking Revenge Against Parents
When a child harbors deep or lasting resentment toward a parent, particularly if the underlying issue remains unaddressed, they may act out by stealing or lying as a form of revenge. Triggers may include events such as parental divorce, moving homes, or ongoing issues like disrespect, distrust, or excessive control. - Seeking Parental Attention
If parents are too busy and the child’s need for care and affection goes unmet, committing a serious misdeed can be a way to attract attention. Even negative attention reassures the child that they are noticed and important to their parents.