The Top Nine Ways to Make Your Child Listen to You
Let’s look at the best 9 ways to make your child listen to you and divide them into two parts: helping your child understand what you say and encouraging obedience.Why are these concepts different?
Even adults sometimes fail to understand each other, so imagine how much harder it is for children who lack communication experience. Parents often expect children to understand hints, which is a lot to ask at their developmental stage.
There are many ways to help parents make children listen. About 30% of the educational process is verbal. Children take in what we say and adopt our vocabulary. You’ll notice this when kids play—they use familiar phrases and imitate family situations they’ve observed.
Example: Kate is playing with her teddy bear, Tommy. She puts him to bed and says: "Why don’t you want to sleep? You’re a bad bear! No candy tomorrow!" She mimics her mother by speaking harshly and making a stern face.
Important! Parents, be mindful of your behavior and language!
Children, just like little monkeys, imitate adults’ behaviors and words. If you use harsh language or swear today, your child will remember—and could repeat it in public!
However, what matters most is that your children actually understand what you’re trying to communicate. Parents need to learn to speak clearly and directly to reduce conflicts.
Example: When 10-year-old Laura returned from school, her mother Eliza said: "Laura, I went in your room today... You know what you need to do!" Eliza rolled her eyes. Laura was stunned and confused—should she clean the room, do laundry, finish homework? A better approach: "Laura, I went to your room today and saw it was messy. Please tidy up before starting your homework." This way, the child knows exactly what’s expected.
However, what matters most is that your children actually understand what you’re trying to communicate. Parents need to learn to speak clearly and directly to reduce conflicts.
Example: When 10-year-old Laura returned from school, her mother Eliza said: "Laura, I went in your room today... You know what you need to do!" Eliza rolled her eyes. Laura was stunned and confused—should she clean the room, do laundry, finish homework? A better approach: "Laura, I went to your room today and saw it was messy. Please tidy up before starting your homework." This way, the child knows exactly what’s expected.
Important! Children do not understand hints or read facial expressions! Be clear and direct about what you want!
Now, let’s explore the first group of strategies—focused on what you say and what your child hears.
Now, let’s explore the first group of strategies—focused on what you say and what your child hears.
How Can You Ensure Your Child Hears You?
- Intrauterine communication. Modern science shows babies can hear their mother’s voice in the womb. Expectant mothers are encouraged to talk, sing, or read to their baby—even before birth—to foster a strong bond and better listening later.
- Communication with babies (1 day to 2 years old). The more you talk to your child, the likelier they are to grow up attentive and considerate. It’s a myth that you must use baby talk—children absorb adult vocabulary even before they can speak.
- Communication with speaking children (2 to 5 years old). Life is busy, but when your little one talks and asks questions, don’t ignore them. Respond with patience, even if tired or upset. By modeling attentive listening, they’ll do the same as they get older.
- Communication with independent children (5 to 12 years old). As your child grows, listens, and makes decisions, you must also listen to their needs. Engaging in respectful dialogue builds mutual understanding and trust. Mean what you say, keep promises, and apologize if you overreact.
- Communication with teenagers. This is the most challenging stage. Flexibility and adaptability are crucial. If you’ve developed good communication early on, your teen will be more likely to hear you, despite natural conflicts. Focus on negotiation and mutual respect to resolve disagreements.
Advice:
Many psychological studies have explored child behavior. There are plenty of tests and techniques to understand your child’s personality—how they interact, process information, work, and express emotions. Try the Parenting Mentor Test on our website to better understand your child’s hidden emotions and why they might not listen to you.
There are general parenting principles that apply to all children, but each child is unique and requires a personalized approach. Children develop their own temperament and character from early on—they are individuals at any age. We shape them with our care, following principles from psychologists or family traditions.
How to Approach Children with Different Temperaments?
- With sanguine children, communication is easier—they are open and receptive. A friendly, explanatory conversation about mistakes and ways to improve works well.
- The choleric child is the most challenging. To get their attention, you may have to gently guide their focus—sometimes even physically turning them toward you. Look them in the eyes for assurance. The “carrot and stick” approach—clear consequences and deserved praise—works best.
- Take special care with a melancholic child. They should not be pressured or harshly punished, as they are sensitive and easily hurt. Offer detailed explanations about what’s right or wrong and their consequences. Too much pressure can foster insecurity and resentment.
- With phlegmatic children, resolve conflicts through calm explanations. They tend to be thoughtful and will listen and reflect on their actions.
Now, let’s discuss the second part: what to do when a conflict has occurred.
- Eye contact. When your child is disobedient or upset, get down to their eye level so they don’t feel intimidated. For younger children, crouch down and gently say, "Look into my eyes and listen to me."
- Voice and warning. Stay calm. Don’t yell, as it shows loss of control. Lower your voice and say, "Your behavior is unacceptable. If it happens again, there will be consequences."
- Punishment. If the child continues to misbehave, appropriate, age-based consequences are needed. Brief timeouts in a non-fun room or taking away a favorite toy can work. Teenagers often respond to chores like cleaning less desirable rooms. Always explain the reason and set a clear timeframe for punishment.
- Forgiveness. After punishment, the child should ask for forgiveness and state why. The parent should respond, "I forgive you. Let’s work together to avoid future problems. I love you and enjoy recognizing your good behavior with praise and rewards."