What is Good Parenting? 7 Signs That You Are a Good Parent
Types of Parents:As American comedian and TV presenter Jon Stewart noted, “Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.” If you disagree with him, then there are two possibilities: either you do not have children yet or you are the ideal parent.
- Demanding parents. A psychologist tells the story of a 28-year-old unmarried woman (self-doubt, loneliness, and fear of the future): “My mom loves me, but she constantly controls me, dictates what to do, and decides who I can be friends with. I still remember her shouting, ‘You will play music! I know better what you need.’ I live with a constant feeling of guilt that I didn't live up to her expectations.”
Demanding parents truly wish well for their children and love them deeply. But it can feel like living in a prison for the child, where the parents are wardens. There is no room for mistakes or valuable life experiences. Such parents raise children who are weak-willed and used to constant “guidance.” As adults, they may lack self-confidence and seek dominant partners or demanding bosses. - Critical parents. Quickly recall what words your parents used when praising and scolding you. If you remember phrases like “Are you ever going to act like a normal person?”, “You are not handy at all!”, or “You are stupid!”, then your parents were critical. Critical parents may not always scold, but often judge their child’s choices—friends, toys, hobbies, even colors of socks. Such parents often have low self-esteem themselves and seek validation or perfection, even at their children’s expense. As one mother said, “I wanted my daughter to graduate with honors so her grandmother would be pleased.” Even after her mother’s death, she seeks her approval.
No criticism “strengthens character,” no matter what parents of this type claim. The child grows up angry and lacking self-esteem, seeing the world negatively. - Overprotective parents. A 60-year-old woman shares: “My parents were always working to make ends meet. Nobody cared about me, and I grew up on my own. When I became a mother, I promised myself my son would always be surrounded by love.”
While caring is great, when overdone it turns into overprotection. This mother still runs around her 30-year-old son like a mother hen. As a child, she fought for him in playground scuffles; now, she finds him jobs (which he quickly abandons) and gives him money, which is never enough.
Even if children of overprotective parents try to do things on their own, they worry in advance: “I won't be able to,” “I don’t know how...” The parent is quick to help, showing the child that they won’t cope without assistance. Excessive care breeds irresponsibility. Later in life, such adults may have to care for parents who meddle in their family affairs using imaginary illnesses. - Estranged parents. They try to prove something to themselves, to society, or to their own parents, whether it’s earning a degree, climbing the career ladder, or working hard. This isn’t about making money or being indifferent to their child, but stems from low self-esteem. They’re always busy, so nannies, tutors, or grandparents raise the child. If we look deeper, estranged parents didn’t get enough love themselves and now don’t know how to build emotional bonds with their children.
A four-year-old runs to his father to show a drawing, but Dad, tired, brushes the child off. For the son, it’s a catastrophe: “He doesn’t love me!” If this keeps happening, the boy may enter adolescence convinced no one needs him, opening the way to self-destructive behaviors, such as addiction or depression. - Responsible parents. The key principle of responsible parents is mutual respect with their child. Letting children make choices, instead of imposing control, builds their confidence for adult decisions. If you allow a two-year-old to choose which T-shirt to wear or which toy to bring to daycare, that will lay a foundation of self-confidence.
Responsible parents never use guilt to manipulate. If a child breaks a cup or rips off a teddy bear’s paw, let them clean up and “take care of” the toy according to their ability. Responsible parents aren’t afraid to appear imperfect and don’t diminish their child’s self-esteem by comparing them to others. Avoid saying, “Look, Johnny ran the distance first, but you’re so clumsy.”
A child who isn’t threatened with punishment or guilt focuses on life goals, not on “deserving” love or approval. Praise and encourage your child: “You’re getting better and better. I see how hard you try,” “Thank you for helping carry the bag. I really appreciate your help.”
Advice:
Of course, there are no universal parenting rules; every child has unique personality traits. Our unique Parenting Mentor Test will help you better understand your situation and teach you how to raise a self-confident, friendly, and successful child.
Are you trying to determine what type of parent you are? In real life, we can sometimes be demanding, sometimes distant. What should you do if you notice some undesirable traits in yourself?
First of all, do not blame yourself. Try to:
- forgive your parents and accept them as they are
- let go of any feeling of superiority over your children
- strive for calm and patient attitudes toward them
- develop the 7 signs
You don’t need to give up your life or spend all day communicating with your child. All they need is for you to find at least five minutes just for them. If you were rushed in the morning and didn’t listen carefully, apologize and promise to talk in the evening—and keep your promise! This helps build your child’s confidence in your relationship. Many parents complain that teenagers become isolated and unmanageable. Remember if you played with your child when they were five or six; the thread of trust starts early.
Sign 2. Consistent actions. Daily routines and clear boundaries give children a sense of stability. Everything should be within reason. Older children can stay up later or attend parties. If a four-year-old hits you, patiently explain that it’s not acceptable and that it hurts.
Sign 3. Showing love. When a child knows they are loved unconditionally, they feel safe. If they misbehave, make it clear that you’re not happy with their behavior, not with them as a person. Say: “I’m upset that your room is messy,” instead of “You’re so messy! You can never clean up your room.”
Praise even small successes. If your six-year-old makes the bed, washes hands without reminders, or gets dressed quickly, tell them they did well. If you constantly say “no” or “you can’t,” these words cause stress and fear. Don’t use love as a tool for manipulation—even if you want your child to become a champion, let them choose what they enjoy. Maybe they will prefer sports or choir singing.
We all make mistakes and sometimes regret them. “Once, my 7-year-old son was misbehaving and demanded an expensive toy. I lost my temper and shook him. He was frightened and started crying,” says Susan. In such a case, a wise parent calmly apologizes and tries to talk through the issue.
Sign 4. Flexibility in parenting. There are family rules and routines, but they can sometimes be broken for good reason. The reason should not be “Mom decides everything,” or giving in due to tiredness. For example, if grandma visits and tomorrow is a day off, allow your child to stay up later—explain why. Flexibility helps children adapt to changes and become more resilient adults.
Sign 5. Staying informed about parenting. Use available resources on parenting and child psychology. It’s easy to find advice from psychologists and participate in discussions online. Don’t forget about advice from the older generation—grandparents can offer valuable experience.
Sign 6. Self-respect. You have the right to take a break. Caring for children doesn’t mean neglecting your own interests. A child who sees a nervous, exhausted mother will feel guilty. Saying “I’ve worked a lot and need 15 minutes to rest. Please play with your sister for now” is perfectly fine. If you and your husband go to the theater or cinema, it’s okay to leave your child with a babysitter. Don’t reproach yourself or feel guilty; gradually help your child get comfortable staying with others.
Sign 7. Be confident! No one is born a perfect parent. We all keep learning; the most important thing is to follow these principles and act with love. Positive results will follow, and you’ll be able to say: “I am a good parent.”