Why do children tell lies. Causes of lying in kids
Why do children tell lies?Family is a team where everyone supports each other. This is vital for shaping a child's attitude. But what should parents do if the youngest member of the team starts behaving 'less friendly,' telling lies, or deceiving older family members? The answer often becomes clear once you understand the reasons behind a child's lies.
Causes of lying in kids
- Fear. In this situation, adults can easily relate to children, as fear can also prompt adults to be dishonest. Children may lie because they fear punishment or humiliation.
If a child is severely punished (physically or psychologically) every time they get a bad grade, they will try to hide poor performance. The longer these lies continue, the harder it becomes to admit the truth. Punishments could be harsh words, like: "Oh, how could you?! I've explained this to you so many times!" or "How long will this go on? You have a private tutor!" Not letting the child speak, and only accusing or intimidating them, is a form of punishment, and they will keep lying to avoid such situations. If your family's reaction to mistakes includes degrading remarks, the child will lie to avoid moral pressure.
For example, by age five, Irvine has learned that if he spills milk or breaks a cup, he will hear, "You're so clumsy! What kind of hands do you have?!" Sensitive and active, Irwin began to cover up his accidents: "No, I didn't break the vase! The cat knocked it over!" or "I don't know what happened to the cabinet door, I didn't touch it!"
What to do? Build a trusting relationship with your child. If pressure or severity has built up at home, try to develop trust so your child isn't afraid of you. - Benefit. Eight-year-old Catherine knows her father buys her a brownie for each A grade. She later realized she could get brownies (and sometimes more) by lying about good grades.
Here, the child lies deliberately and for a clear motive, making this type of lying particularly concerning. Often, children lie for personal gain because they don't receive what they want automatically. In Catherine's case, she doesn't know eating many brownies is unhealthy. She believes not receiving treats means she hasn't earned them.
What to do? Adjust your parenting so your child doesn't have to "deserve" good things. Occasionally, you may withhold treats as punishment for serious misbehavior, but avoid saying "you didn't deserve it." For children, gifts—even infrequent sweets—are closely linked to parental love, and love should always be there. Don't make your child earn it.
Advice:
To ensure your child understands your family's punishment and reward system, take our psychological Parenting Mentor Test. You'll gain an overall assessment of your relationship and receive tailored recommendations for better interaction, considering your child's personality and character. - Imitating adults, "white lies". Five-year-old Larry has a tense relationship with a peer at kindergarten. One day he returns with a soiled cap but says he dropped it by accident—though another boy had done it on purpose. He wants to avoid upsetting his mother.
From an early age, children see adults tell "white lies" to avoid hurting others or awkward situations.
Mom, at home, tells her friend on the phone she's already out so she can't visit, just to avoid offending her. Dad says he loves a sweater knitted by grandma, then jokes about it privately with mom. Children witness these contradictory messages.
What to do? Have honest, heartfelt conversations with your child.
If you continue telling "white lies," discuss specific situations with your child. Realize that confusion arises when parents teach children to be truthful but act differently themselves. Not all children will confront these contradictions, but they all deserve an explanation. - Bragging and fantasies. Children often embellish stories and reality. In kindergarten, they may tell tales of adventures on the way home, invent heroic relatives, or exaggerate their parents' professions. Exaggerating can become a fun game if everyone knows it's not true and enjoys the story. Here, the child gains status and attention. But if this becomes frequent, it signals possible dissatisfaction and a tendency to escape into fantasy.
What to do? Offer your child more joyful experiences.
Try to identify what your child may be missing: is it difficulty making friends, or low self-esteem? If their life only involves school and home, introduce new activities. Perhaps a sports club, a pet, or regular trips to grandparents. Often, children who fantasize are highly creative—art classes may help your child express their inner world and even reveal real talent.