Why Do Sons Hate Their Fathers? Why Do Daughters Treat Their Mothers So Badly? Top 10 Parental Mistakes
Upbringing often involves restricting a child’s freedom. No matter how much we want to be kind and gentle parents, raising children requires setting boundaries. When adults use their authority to make a child do what he doesn’t want to, the child may not understand why life and relationships with parents seem full of deprivation. Human nature’s primary drive is the desire for freedom. In teenagers, this desire becomes especially powerful, like the engine of a locomotive. Sometimes, this locomotive crashes right into its “oppressors,” resulting in conflict and hurt. Your growing child may then say in anger or pain, “I hate you!” Sadly, common parental mistakes often fuel this outcome.Common mistakes with teenage sons:
- Using harsh discipline toward boys. Masculinity is often taught from childhood, but depriving a boy of affection, warmth, and physical closeness can result in cruelty and emotional distance. A son raised under rigid authority who is forbidden to misbehave may never learn to express his feelings in words. Parents should model real courage—explaining that true strength means standing up for the weak, not just being aggressive.
- Fathers trying to make sons in their own image and ignoring individuality. When a dad insists on molding his son after himself, it leads to inner conflict in adulthood. Setting goals so high that they’re unreachable also leaves the child feeling unsatisfied and never worthy of his father’s love.
- Inconsistency in parenting, shouting and insults. This approach often results in children who are either emotionally closed off or overly dramatic—neither leading to a harmonious future. It’s hard to always live up to your own standards, but if rules frequently change or parents disagree, children get confused and irritated. Parenting should always be calm. Kids learn best when correction happens through conversation, not shouting.
- Parents arguing in front of teenagers. Witnessing parental arguments—especially inconsistent positions between mom and dad—teaches cruelty and confusion. For sons, it may foster disrespect towards women, especially when parents publicly contradict each other.
- Comparisons, criticism, guilt, and intimidation about the future (e.g., “If you don’t do this, you’ll be a janitor”). Comparing children to others or shaming their temperament or behavior only fuels resentment. Parents may think this motivates, but instead, it leads to alienation and loss of respect.
Advice:
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Common mistakes with teenage daughters:
- Excessive strictness. A typical mistake is imposing an image of how a girl “should” be, using statements like “you must cook,” “you must look perfect,” “you must be slim.” While these skills may be useful, if a daughter thinks she has no value without them, she’s likely to feel inadequate. Many parents think strictness ensures good character, but girls also need respect, tenderness, and acceptance to become confident, independent adults.
- Turning a daughter’s life into a fairy tale. Raising a “princess,” who believes everyone owes her something, makes it difficult for her to face reality and overcome hardship. While femininity and grace are valuable, overprotection leads to helplessness and loneliness. Children need to know not everything will be handed to them.
- “Daddy wanted a boy.” Sometimes, parents who wanted a son raise their daughter as if she were a boy—encouraging traditionally masculine behaviors. As adults, these girls may struggle with self-identity, intimate relationships, and expressing femininity, even if they make strong friends with men.
- Projecting wrong life concepts. Never force a child to follow a scripted life—getting married, having kids, or fitting someone else’s ideals. Remarks like, “If you don’t wash the dishes, your husband will beat you,” create fear rather than good habits. Spreading shame about men or sex, usually due to parental resentment, can also cause long-term emotional and relationship issues.
- Discouraging femininity. Mothers, especially raising girls alone, sometimes view femininity as a weakness and discourage vulnerability. But femininity is not the same as helplessness. Teaching a daughter to be gentle and dignified—with the ability to stand up for herself—builds real strength. The best quality you can foster is discernment: the ability to tell people apart and choose friends wisely.
Raising children is a complex and imperfect process. No family is immune to these mistakes, but awareness reduces their impact. Relying on rigid patterns harms your relationship and your child’s development.