Yelling at kids damage. Relaxing tecniques how to stop and control it

Yelling at kids: damage and how to stop it using relaxation techniques

• When a parent raises their voice, scolds, or shouts at a young child, the basic psychological sense of security vanishes. The child loses their sense of safety and the chance to seek comfort under their parent's protection. Lacking the skills to adapt to this stress, the child will do anything to regain a sense of security—even acting against their own psychological needs.
  
  Regularly exposing a child to this kind of stress robs them of the chance to develop according to their natural psychological traits. However, the child will still try to express these traits in any way possible—usually at a primitive level—which does not give them a complete sense of self. This, in turn, can lead to ongoing problems and conflicts with parents.
• Yelling does more harm than good to education. With every shout or harsh word, the fragile bonds of affection between parent and child are weakened. Angry outbursts from a parent can be traumatic, as the child's closest, most beloved people suddenly seem cold, angry, and distant. While young children are helpless in the face of yelling, by adolescence, a raised voice loses its power. Teenagers may talk back or openly resist such treatment.
• For children strongly influenced by others, the family may not feel like a safe haven. Friends and peers may become more important than parents, which means parents may lose connection with their children.
• If you make your child obey by yelling, they will learn to obey anyone who yells at them—for life. Another serious result of yelling is that this behavior becomes a learned model. As adults, these children are likely to repeat it with their own children, continuing the cycle of dysfunctional parent-child relationships.

• Remember: a child is not trying to upset you on purpose. They don't yet understand many things, their movements are clumsy, and they're naturally curious, which is why they may scatter toys, spill milk, or make a mess. Treat your child as a child and remind yourself, “they're not to blame, they're just too young.”
• Don't let stress lead to exhaustion or breakdown. If you feel overwhelmed and on the verge of losing control, take a break. Just like the airplane rule—put your own oxygen mask on first. Take care of yourself: have a warm bath, read, watch a movie, go shopping, or take time for yourself in any way that helps you recharge.
• Use a calm, business-like tone to get your child's attention. Instead of yelling, speak firmly and gently when giving instructions. A calm and soft voice prompts the child to listen closely, and they're less likely to resist. The calmer you are, the more effective your message—and you won't strain your voice.
• If you can't hold back from name-calling, avoid using words like "fool" or "bungler." Invent your own harmless exclamation. Say, “Wow, you little rascal!” When disciplining, focus on the behavior—not the child's character. Let your child know they're good but acted poorly or rudely. You can also make funny faces or act out silently to diffuse your anger. Try playfully saying, “Let me catch you and tickle you to death!” or use a silly sound instead of yelling—the best remedy for anger is humor!
• Stay emotionally connected with your child, and show respect. Even when you're angry, they should feel you're still on their side.
• Shift your focus to yourself in tough situations. Have compassion for yourself: “I'm exhausted, and now my child is making me angry.” This awareness helps you pause and recognize that your yelling is more about your own fatigue than about your child's actions.
• Try to imagine what your child feels when yelled at. Parental training often includes an exercise where one person squats and another stands over them, scolding. Even a few minutes makes the seated person anxious or tearful. Such exercises can foster empathy, but even imagining your child’s feelings can help you change your approach. Knowing and understanding your child’s emotions will also help them learn to manage their own feelings.
• Express your feelings constructively. Emotional “hygiene” is valuable. When you sort through what triggered your anger, you learn to manage it. Release feelings through talking, creating, or finding a personal phrase or image to help you pause before yelling. For example, imagine yourself as a “gentle elephant” who can’t be upset by childish mischief, or repeat a calming mantra.
• “6 steps” to manage anger:

1. If you feel anger rising, stop. Imagine your worst enemy screaming at your child with the words you just used. How does that make you feel?
2. Step back—leave the room or ask your child to do so. Count to ten slowly, breathing deeply. This pause helps you calm down and prevent an overreaction. You can invite your child to join you in this, even counting out loud. Once you've both calmed down, consider hugging your child.
3. Breathe deeply and repeat calming words to yourself. Gather your thoughts.
4. Analyze the incident—mentally replay it and view it from different angles.
5. Identify the problem: “The issue is that …”
6. Brainstorm solutions: what educational strategies or responses could help in this situation? Think of several possible ways to address it.

• Tell your child you’re trying to stop yelling and ask for their help. Encourage them to interrupt you if you start shouting. Suggest a non-verbal cue—like covering their ears. They can also say, “You're yelling and I don't like it,” or “Please speak calmly, because you love me.”
• When reminded, use the “rewind, adjust, and restart” technique:

• Empowers them to protect themselves without causing more conflict;
• Protects their self-esteem, showing they deserve to be treated with respect;
• Strengthens your relationship by respecting their needs and feelings.
• Try meditative exercises—for example, “My nice and calm voice”—especially when you feel you’re about to explode. Close your eyes and repeat these thoughts to yourself:

• If you find it impossible to stop yelling, ask a relative to record you next time. Watching the video can be a powerful motivator to change.