If your child stays quiet about bullying or peer conflict, the right coaching can make it easier to speak up. Learn what to say, when children should tell an adult, and how to help your child ask a teacher or other trusted adult for help.
About this assessment
Start with how comfortable your child feels telling a trusted adult right now, and we’ll help you identify practical next steps for school, home, and everyday conversations.
Many children want help but still avoid telling adults. They may worry the bullying will get worse, think adults will not understand, feel embarrassed, or believe they should handle it alone. Some children also struggle to explain what happened clearly enough to a teacher or parent. When you understand what is getting in the way, it becomes easier to teach your child how to tell an adult about bullying in a calm, specific, and confident way.
Use simple language such as, “If someone is hurting you, threatening you, or repeatedly bothering you, I want you to tell a trusted adult right away.” This helps your child see reporting as a smart safety step, not tattling.
Help your child identify specific people at school and at home, such as a teacher, counselor, coach, school aide, or family member. Children are more likely to speak up when they already know exactly who they can approach.
Try a short script like, “I need help. This has been happening more than once, and I don’t feel okay.” Rehearsing what to say can reduce fear and make it easier for your child to report bullying to a teacher or another adult.
Teach your child to get adult help immediately if there is physical aggression, threats, sexual comments, harassment, stalking, or anything that makes them feel unsafe.
If teasing, exclusion, rumor-spreading, online harassment, or intimidation is repeated, your child should tell an adult even if each incident seems small on its own.
Peer conflict can sometimes be handled with direct communication, but bullying often involves a power imbalance or repeated harm. If your child feels stuck, overwhelmed, or afraid, it is time to involve an adult.
If your child opens up, thank them for telling you. Avoid rushing into problem-solving before they finish. A calm response increases the chance they will come to you again.
Before talking to school staff, help your child note who was involved, what happened, where it happened, how often it has happened, and whether there were witnesses. This makes it easier to ask an adult for help with bullying clearly.
Depending on your child’s age and comfort level, you may coach them to speak to a teacher first, or you may contact the school together. The goal is to protect your child while also building their confidence to speak up.
Start by listening and validating their feelings. Explain that telling an adult is about getting support and staying safe, not getting someone in trouble. Offer specific examples of trusted adults and practice a few simple phrases they can use.
Keep it direct and reassuring: “You do not have to handle bullying alone. If someone keeps hurting, scaring, or humiliating you, tell a trusted adult right away.” Let your child know you will take them seriously and help them figure out the next step.
A child should tell an adult immediately if there are threats, physical harm, repeated targeting, online harassment, or fear of retaliation. Even if the situation seems minor, repeated peer conflict that causes distress is a good reason to involve an adult.
Help your child prepare a short, factual statement about what happened, who was involved, and how often it has occurred. You can role-play the conversation, write down key points, or send a note with them if speaking face-to-face feels hard.
Avoid shaming or forcing. Explore what they are worried about, such as embarrassment or fear that things will get worse. Then work on one small step, like identifying one trusted adult, practicing one sentence, or agreeing that you will be with them when they ask for help.
Personalized assessment
Answer a few questions to better understand your child’s comfort level with reporting bullying or peer conflict and get practical next steps you can use right away at home and with school.