If you're wondering what to say when asking about suicide, this page helps you start the conversation directly, calmly, and without making it worse. Get parent-focused guidance on how to ask a child or teen if they are thinking about suicide, what questions to use, and how to respond next.
Tell us how urgent this feels, and we’ll help you prepare for how to bring up suicide with your child, what words to use, and how to respond based on what they say.
Parents often worry that asking about suicide will put the idea into a child’s head or make things worse. Research does not support that fear. When you are concerned, it is safer to ask clearly than to hint or avoid the topic. Use a calm tone and plain words: “I’ve noticed you seem really overwhelmed, and I want to ask something directly. Are you thinking about suicide?” If your child is younger, you might ask, “Have you been thinking about wanting to die or not be here?” The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to make it easier for your child to tell the truth.
Try: “I care about you, and I want to check in about something important. Have you been thinking about hurting yourself or suicide?” This keeps the conversation warm but clear.
Say “suicide,” “kill yourself,” or “want to die” if that matches your concern. Avoid vague phrases like “doing something bad” or “giving up,” which can be easier to misunderstand.
Once you ask, give your child time to answer. Try not to rush in, argue, or immediately reassure. A steady response helps them feel safer being honest.
“Have you been thinking about suicide?” or “Have you been thinking about wanting to die?” This helps you understand whether suicidal thoughts are present.
“Have you been hurting yourself, or thinking about hurting yourself?” For some teens, self-harm and suicidal thoughts overlap, and it helps to ask about both.
If they say yes, follow with: “Have you thought about how you would do it?” and “Do you feel like you might act on these thoughts?” These questions help clarify urgency.
What matters most is your tone. Stay calm, matter-of-fact, and compassionate. Avoid sounding shocked, angry, or panicked. You do not need a long speech. A short, direct question is often best. If your child says yes, thank them for telling you. Let them know they are not in trouble and that you will stay with them and get support. If they say no but you still feel concerned, keep the conversation open: “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad I asked, and I want you to know you can always tell me if that changes.”
Questions like “You’re not thinking of doing anything stupid, right?” can shut a child down. Direct questions are safer and more respectful.
Long explanations can make it harder for your child to answer honestly. Ask, pause, and listen first.
Saying “You have so much to live for” may come from love, but it can make a child feel misunderstood. Start by understanding what they are experiencing.
Ask directly, calmly, and without judgment. You can say, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Have you been thinking about wanting to die?” Using clear language does not increase risk and can make it easier for your child to be honest.
Stay calm. Thank them for telling you. Say something like, “I’m really glad you told me. I’m going to stay with you, and we’re going to get support together.” If there is immediate danger or they may act soon, seek emergency help right away.
Yes. Some teens self-harm without suicidal intent, and some experience both. Asking about each directly gives you a clearer picture: “Have you been hurting yourself?” and “Have you been thinking about suicide?”
Take your concern seriously. Keep checking in, watch for changes in mood or behavior, reduce access to dangerous items, and seek professional support if needed. A no answer does not mean you should ignore your instincts.
Start with an observation and then ask directly. For example: “I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately, and I want to ask something important. Have you been thinking about suicide?” You do not need a perfect lead-in to have a helpful conversation.
Answer a few questions to get clear next-step guidance on how to ask your child or teen about suicidal thoughts, how urgent the situation may be, and how to respond with confidence and care.
Answer a Few QuestionsExplore more assessments in this topic group.
See related assessments across this category.
Find more parenting assessments by category and topic.
Talking About Suicide
Talking About Suicide
Talking About Suicide
Talking About Suicide