Get clear, age-appropriate ways to teach your child how to speak up, support a bullied classmate, and respond safely when they witness bullying at school.
About this assessment
Answer a few questions to get personalized guidance on building your child’s confidence, language, and safe upstander skills for real school situations.
Most parents are not looking for a child to confront bullying alone. They want to know how kids can stand up to bullying safely, what to say when witnessing bullying, and how to help without making things worse. Being an upstander can mean checking on the targeted child, getting help from a trusted adult, using a calm phrase to interrupt unkind behavior, or staying nearby so a peer is not isolated. The goal is not pressure or perfection. It is helping your child recognize what is happening, choose a safe response, and know that even small actions can make a real difference.
Children need help recognizing teasing, exclusion, rumor-spreading, and repeated mean behavior as bullying or peer harm. When they can identify what they are seeing, they are more likely to respond thoughtfully instead of freezing.
Many kids want to help but do not know what to say when witnessing bullying. Practicing short phrases like “That’s not okay,” “Come sit with me,” or “Let’s get a teacher” gives them language they can actually use in the moment.
Helping kids intervene in bullying situations should always include knowing when to involve a teacher, counselor, coach, or other trusted adult. Safe upstander behavior is not about handling serious situations alone.
A child can be an upstander by checking in after the incident, inviting the classmate to join them, or sitting with them at lunch. Quiet support can reduce isolation and show the bullied child they are not alone.
In lower-risk situations, kids may be able to redirect the moment by changing the subject, inviting the targeted child away, or using a calm statement. This can be safer than arguing with the child doing the bullying.
Teach your child to tell an adult when behavior is repeated, threatening, humiliating, or physical. Speaking up early is one of the most effective upstander strategies for children because it brings in support before harm grows.
Children are more likely to act when they feel prepared, not pressured. Start with role-play, specific examples from school life, and clear permission to get adult help. Let your child know they do not have to be brave in every moment to be a caring peer. Some children are ready to use words directly, while others may begin by staying with a classmate, sending a kind message, or telling a teacher privately. Personalized guidance can help you match upstander strategies to your child’s age, temperament, and school environment.
Instead of teaching many scripts at once, focus on one or two realistic actions your child can remember. Repetition builds confidence and makes it easier to respond under stress.
Explain that kids should not step into physical aggression, threats, or group intimidation on their own. In those moments, the safest upstander move is to get adult help right away.
If your child tried to help, checked on a peer, or told an adult, acknowledge that effort. Positive reinforcement helps children keep developing upstander habits even when situations feel uncomfortable.
The safest response depends on the situation. Kids can support the targeted child, use a brief calm phrase, move the child away from the situation, or get a trusted adult. They should not put themselves in danger or try to manage serious bullying alone.
Simple phrases often work best, such as “That’s not okay,” “Leave them alone,” “Come with me,” or “I’m getting a teacher.” The right words depend on your child’s age, confidence, and the level of risk in the moment.
A shy child can still be an upstander. They may be more comfortable checking on a classmate afterward, including them in an activity, or reporting the situation privately to an adult. Upstander behavior does not have to be loud to be effective.
No. Direct confrontation is not always the safest or best option. Many effective upstander strategies for children involve supporting the peer, redirecting the situation, or getting adult help instead of confronting the child doing the bullying.
Emphasize that their job is to choose a safe helpful action, not solve the whole problem. Adults are responsible for addressing bullying. Your child’s role is to notice, respond safely, and involve support when needed.
Personalized assessment
Answer a few questions to better understand your child’s current confidence and get practical next steps for helping them speak up, support peers, and respond safely when bullying happens.