10 things that kids want from their parents
All parents want their children to be well-behaved, responsible, polite, and to do well in school. The desire to feel proud of their children sometimes leads parents to overuse their authority and become overly demanding, which can deny children the freedom to express themselves and grow in their own ways. While all parents know what they want from their children, do they know what their children want from them? Every child is an individual—even while still growing and developing, they also have the right to want or not want certain things from their parents.What do children want from their parents?
- Love
Love is the foundation of the parent-child relationship, and it should always come first. Children expect love and affection from their parents, but the way this love is expressed changes as they grow. Infants need the warmth and tenderness of their mothers; their whole world depends on it when they are helpless. Toddlers up to three years old need "motherly love," meaning unconditional affection regardless of circumstances.
A mother's love is sincere and unconditional; she loves her child simply because they exist. As children grow older, they expect more complex forms of love. Around the age of three, children start to crave "paternal love": they want to be praised and recognized for their achievements. Teenagers desire love that grants them freedom and respects them as individuals. Parental love should not be overwhelming or thoughtless. Children appreciate parents who are successful, have time for their own interests, and maintain a healthy balance between parenting and personal life. - Understanding
Children always hope their parents will understand them. It deeply hurts them when they share their thoughts or experiences and are met with indifference. Parents might dismiss their children’s thoughts as wrong or their actions as improper. Instead of trying to better understand their children’s inner world, parents often rush to lecture them about life. This leaves children feeling misunderstood and can lead to distrust.
Example: Justin, a shy thirteen-year-old, developed feelings for a girl. They became friends but later had an argument. His parents insisted on asking, "Why?", "What happened?", "Who was at fault?" Justin shared the story, hoping his parents would simply understand and give him space to process the situation, rather than ask intrusive questions. Boys, in particular, are less likely to want to discuss their feelings, whereas girls are often more inclined to do so.
Important: When you ask your child questions, observe their reaction closely—sometimes fear (worry you’ll keep questioning) or hope (a sign your child wants to open up) appears in their eyes. Pay close attention to your child when they are upset. - Care
Every child expects their parents to take care of them—to create a comfortable, welcoming room and provide clothes and meals suited to their tastes. Children want their parents to hug them when they need comfort and to respect their need for space when they want to be alone.
Children also hope their parents will buy them toys they dream of. Young children need the most care, but kids of all ages require extra nurturing when they are sick or feeling unwell. - Support
Support is the opposite of criticism, which children find difficult to handle. Kids are naturally curious and pursue hobbies. They may achieve things through extracurricular activities or sports.
Children look for support from their parents at moments of achievement, like submitting artwork to an exhibition or building a robot for a science fair. They want to know that their parents believe in them, think their work is impressive, and are proud of their efforts. Participating in sports or competitions, children hope their parents will come to cheer them on.
Example: Kelly, age 8, sewed a dress for her doll and wanted to enter it into her school’s art exhibition. She put in a lot of effort, but when her mother saw the dress, she said, "Kelly, you shouldn’t present this dress at the exhibition; it’s not beautiful." Kelly burst into tears and didn’t speak to her mother until evening. What did Kelly really expect? She wanted encouragement and praise. If her mother saw flaws, she could have offered to help Kelly improve the dress and go to the exhibition together. - Freedom of choice
Freedom of choice means allowing children to follow hobbies and activities they truly care about. For instance, Kevin loves dinosaurs and wants to join an archaeology class, but his father insists, "No, Kevin! Archaeology isn’t a practical career! I’ll sign you up for football so you can become a famous athlete." Kevin then feels trapped, having no say in what he does and being forced to pursue something he doesn’t care for. Children want to choose their interests and friends on their own. - Joy
Children are deeply affected when parents are consistently unhappy or dissatisfied. Kids need cheerful parents who laugh, play, and share jokes. They love to mess around and expect their parents to join in. Trying to always act like stern adults is not what children need from their parents.
When something in a child's life goes wrong, they don’t want to be interrogated; instead, they long for lightness and comfort. Every child is unique: some want active playtime with parents, others crave space to dive into their own worlds. To learn what your child expects from you, try our unique Parents Mentor Test. The recommendations you receive will help you nurture the qualities your child values, creating a warmer relationship. - Protection
A sense of security is crucial for every child. This is particularly important for girls, who should feel confident that if someone hurts them, they can always turn to their father or an older brother, who will support and protect them. - Comfort
Comfort stems from a calm, positive family atmosphere where everyone treats each other with respect and kindness. Family comfort means a clean, welcoming home filled with laughter, movie nights, outings, and shared fun—these are the things children look forward to from their parents. - Help
Children are still learning and don’t always know how to do everything properly. For them to develop new skills, parents should allow room for mistakes and practice. Children won’t master making the bed or washing dishes right away. While learning these and other skills, kids want parents to help—not do it all for them. Many children want independence, but when they encounter problems, they expect their parents to step in and offer assistance. - Personal time and a place of their own
Parents often worry their child will become lazy and sign them up for multiple extracurriculars like sports, dance, and art. With such busy schedules and household chores too, kids are left with little time for unstructured play. Children need free time to immerse themselves in their imagination and relax. Overloading kids isn’t necessary; they will learn what’s needed in due time. It’s important for children to have their own space and time for themselves, undisturbed. Playtime is vital for child development—sometimes even more so than multiple extracurricular activities.