Types and Consequences of Family Conflicts
A happy family is the result of daily effort by both partners. So, why do conflicts arise between two loving people? In this article, we'll explore how family conflict impacts a child's mental health.A tense family atmosphere doesn't develop overnight. Dissatisfaction can grow gradually, like a snowball, and eventually leads to negative consequences. Constant arguments, confrontations, or—conversely—growing internal tension that partners try to hide, can result in separation.
Parental arguments are among the most traumatic experiences for a child. While most parents strive to shield their children from external aggression, they often overlook how internal conflicts can affect their child. Children are highly sensitive to conflict between their parents. If you're going through a relationship crisis and are worried about your child's emotional wellbeing, consider taking our unique Parents Mentor Test. This test can help you gain insight into yourself and better understand your child's emotional state. Sometimes, children experience an irrational sense of guilt over their parents' arguments, feeling responsible for the tension between mom and dad.
Let us take a closer look at the types of family conflict and their causes
- Conflicts arising from different family behavior patterns. Issues in relationships often stem from different behavioral patterns learned in each partner's upbringing. Partners may not even realize what they're doing wrong. The guidance of a family psychologist may be needed to understand and address the current difficulties.
- Character conflicts. If a partner has a strong, uncompromising nature—or, on the other hand, is closed off and unable to express emotions—it can lead to tension. When open dialogue is missing, suspicion and constant demands take over, increasing the likelihood of divorce. Rejection of a partner’s personality creates ongoing tension. Efforts should be made to communicate openly about what is bothering you.
- Conflicts linked to self-esteem issues. It's hard for a family to be happy if one spouse suffers from extremely low or high self-esteem. Attempts to assert oneself at the expense of loved ones, or to prove superiority, fuel conflicts. Reconciliation isn’t possible until these issues are addressed. To restore harmony, the partner must achieve self-acceptance and inner balance.
- Conflicts due to difficulty expressing emotions. Sometimes, one partner's emotional coldness is mistaken by the other for lack of love. Fear of seeming weak or sentimental can prevent healthy emotional expression, prompting resentment. This issue often traces back to childhood, where sharing feelings may have been discouraged. To strengthen your relationship, try opening up about your thoughts and feelings, and talk through uncomfortable situations together.
- Conflicts between two "alter egos." A family is a single unit. Problems arise when spouses fail to feel connected. Such couples avoid the word “we,” focusing only on themselves and remaining emotionally distant. Outward confrontations are rare; instead, dissatisfaction simmers beneath the surface, potentially culminating in a major breakdown or even chronic illness from ongoing stress. To save the relationship, listen to your partner and build honest dialogue.
Children’s Reactions to Family Conflict and Their Psychological Consequences
No matter the cause of family conflict, children generally react in a few distinct ways:
- Trying to reconcile their parents
- Taking sides with one parent
- Withdrawing emotionally
- Feeling guilty
- Manipulating the situation
- Trying to reconcile parents. The child may try to mediate between parents, attempting to improve communication and reduce conflict. Sometimes, children even develop illnesses as a subconscious attempt to distract parents from their disputes. If your family is tense and your child keeps getting sick, the stress of family conflict could be a contributing factor.
- Taking sides with one parent. In conflicts, some children align with one parent, sometimes boycotting the other. Over time, this can affect their relationships with the opposite sex—girls estranged from their fathers may struggle with men, just as boys without strong maternal bonds may struggle with women.
Do not turn your child against the other parent. Children need contact with both mom and dad. - Withdrawing emotionally. Exposure to constant parental arguments can make a child retreat into their own world, leading to difficulties communicating with peers. This can result in social isolation and detachment from reality.
- Feeling guilty. Some children blame themselves for their parents’ conflicts, believing they are the cause of the arguments. This can lead to deep feelings of guilt and self-loathing, harming self-esteem and causing a negative outlook on life.
- Manipulating the situation. Conflicted parents may try to win their child’s favor with gifts or special treatment, not acting in the child’s best interest but to make themselves appear better than the other parent. This behavior can teach the child to manipulate parents, repeating the unhealthy cycle.