What Makes a Good Parent? 9 Main Qualities for the Ideal Mom and Dad
A wonderful little miracle—a baby—has entered your life. Looking at your child, you wish for only one thing: their happiness. You want to be the best and kindest parent for your little one! But how do you achieve that? What qualities should you develop? How can you raise your children to be the ideal mom and dad for them?It is important to remember that one of the main principles in raising children is the Principle of Gradualism. Every stage of your child’s growth requires different approaches and the demonstration of different qualities from you.
Here are 9 qualities that every parent needs: Kindness and thoughtfulness, creativity and flexibility, patience and poise, the ability to be a friend, and the humility to admit your mistakes.
Love is absolutely necessary at every stage of your child’s development. Each of us experiences "love" in our own way. Yet, love always includes time, effort, and sometimes money. We invest our time, spend our money, and give our energy to those we love.
The first five years of your child’s life require the most love, patience, and creativity from you. Your child’s personality is developing during this period. Your role is to help your child develop their thinking skills. This develops best when you communicate face to face. So when talking to your toddler, hold your child in your lap or sit beside them on the floor. It’s important not to tower over your child, as this can feel dominant and threatening. Instead, your child should feel safe, not fearful.
Psychologists recognize different phases in a child’s development, each with its own uniqueness. Your parenting style and methods should adapt to the qualities of each phase.
- The phase of prenatal education should happen under the motto "Keep Calm." The main qualities to develop here, regardless of hormonal changes, are poise and patience. Upbringing begins even before birth, as your emotional state during pregnancy can affect your baby.
Important! When an emotion is experienced over a long period, it becomes part of your personality. If a mother is anxious throughout pregnancy, her child may become timid; if she is joyful, her child often becomes cheerful. You can prevent many future problems for your child by attending to your own emotional well-being during pregnancy.
Recommendations. The fetus can sense sounds and emotions from the third month in the womb. Speak to your baby in a calm and gentle voice, listen to soothing music, and try to stay optimistic and relaxed, no matter what. - The phase of infant maternal love (0-1 year). During this time, your baby is completely dependent on you and especially needs warmth and tenderness, particularly from mom. Both parents need to show love, patience, thoughtfulness, and attentiveness to care for their baby fully.
Important! A baby only cries when something is wrong. If your baby is crying, it means something is causing discomfort—perhaps a dirty diaper, a rash, a tummy ache, or simply needing a cuddle. There are many reasons, but only one way for them to tell you: crying. - The phase of mature maternal love (1-3 years) begins when your child starts walking. The motto of this period is: "No matter what you do, I will still love you," and, "You may go wherever you wish, as long as it’s safe for everyone." During this phase, patience, creativity, and your toddler’s safety are key.
Important! Your toddler will want to touch and explore everything. At this age, your child cannot understand prohibitions. Instead of scolding, distract your child—express surprise, show a new toy or an interesting object. Be creative. Give your child as much freedom of movement as possible, while ensuring safety by removing dangers. Restricting your child's movement leads to a lack of independence and reluctance to explore. - The phase of early paternal love (3-5 years). Just like every stage, this phase requires your best qualities. Its motto is "Act like me." Your child begins to imitate parents, develops basic self-care skills, and copies your behavior. Treat each other with respect. Happy family relationships set the stage for your child’s future. Children learn best from examples—if you swear, your child will too. That’s why you must educate yourself, not just your child!
Recommendations. If your toddler is engaged in something, do not interrupt. They are developing a skill. When the activity is mastered, your child will move to another one naturally. Don’t stop this even if it seems repetitive. Otherwise, your child may not learn how to finish tasks or improve at them. Always remember that children learn best through play. - The phase of mature paternal love (6–14 years) should follow the motto, "Do what you want." If you feel your child is doing something "wrong," avoid correcting immediately. Show patience and flexibility. Allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them. If you solve every problem for your child, you may hinder their creativity and problem-solving skills. Unfortunately, many schools and universities favor imitation over independence, which limits children’s creativity.
Advice:
Try our unique Parenting Mentor Test. It will help you understand what your child needs and which qualities to develop in your relationship at every stage of their growth. - The apprenticeship phase (ages 5-14). During this time, your child becomes an “apprentice.” Children start following your guidance from the early paternal love phase. Teach through imitation first, then explanations. Use creativity and flexibility in your parenting.
Important! Avoid excessive instructions and moralizing. Studies show that for each reprimand, children need at least 10 compliments or loving statements to balance out and accept them. This doesn’t mean you should overpraise; rather, learn to communicate without giving constant advice or tasks.
Important! Share only what is necessary and most important. Be ready to admit mistakes; doing so encourages your child to respect and listen to you.
Praise your children! Their self-esteem depends on it. Praise them when they deserve it. Boys often need recognition for their achievements, while girls benefit from praise for who they are—their smiles, beauty, and good mood. Girls should feel safe and secure with you; boys should feel understood. - The phase of friendship begins around age 13, at puberty. This is when your relationship shifts: your child must grow from being an apprentice to a friend. Of course, this might not happen instantly. Teenagers learn friendship by example. That means you must become a friend to your child. Before making a comment, ask yourself: would I say this to a friend? The challenge is shifting from being a “controlling parent” to being a “caring parent.” This takes inner work and self-reflection.
So far, you have been fully responsible for your child’s life: feeding, clothing, protecting, and guiding them. Now, it’s important to let your child take responsibility for their own life. Allow your teenager to make decisions about their friendships, hobbies, and even whether their bed is made. These are their personal choices. Show them you are proud, and praise their decisions.